1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.BZ 2 00:00:07,267 --> 00:00:08,704 NARRATOR: New York City, Fashion Week. 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ 4 00:00:08,746 --> 00:00:10,096 But something's missing. 5 00:00:10,923 --> 00:00:12,708 Danger, excitement... 6 00:00:13,577 --> 00:00:14,926 Zoolander! 7 00:00:18,321 --> 00:00:19,149 [ALL GASPING] 8 00:00:21,672 --> 00:00:22,891 Windburn! 9 00:00:26,373 --> 00:00:29,071 I think we hooked 'em, Zoo-Crew. 10 00:00:29,115 --> 00:00:30,899 Now let's show them the Four Wonders of the Modern World. 11 00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:32,771 [ALL CHEERING] 12 00:00:37,472 --> 00:00:39,168 Derek, Hansel! 13 00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:41,344 You saved my show! 14 00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:44,478 No, Nani. Your amazing clothes saved the show. 15 00:00:44,521 --> 00:00:46,262 It's an honor to wear the designs of 16 00:00:46,307 --> 00:00:47,786 the fashion world's boy genius. 17 00:00:47,829 --> 00:00:50,527 I'm a girl! 18 00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:53,182 Derek! Hansel! You're not going to believe this! 19 00:00:53,226 --> 00:00:55,924 One of the Kardashian sisters just got attacked by an alien. 20 00:00:56,664 --> 00:00:59,101 Oh, no! Was it Khloe? 21 00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,929 I don't know the name of the alien. 22 00:01:00,972 --> 00:01:03,411 But you gotta stop that thing before it strikes again! 23 00:01:03,454 --> 00:01:04,846 We're on it, Maury. 24 00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:06,370 Falcon Claw! 25 00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:07,415 [FALCON SCREECHING] 26 00:01:09,765 --> 00:01:12,201 Always through the ceiling! 27 00:01:12,245 --> 00:01:13,855 Yeah, I'll talk to him about it. 28 00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:16,162 [HANSEL WHOOPING] 29 00:01:18,164 --> 00:01:20,427 NARRATOR: In a loft in the heart of SoNoWoNoBoHo, 30 00:01:20,471 --> 00:01:22,646 there lives the world's most handsome hero, 31 00:01:22,691 --> 00:01:25,128 Zoolander, Super Model! 32 00:01:25,171 --> 00:01:29,567 I'm not just a model. I'm also a superhero. And a model. 33 00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:32,614 And his hot partner in sexy crime-fighting, Hansel. 34 00:01:32,656 --> 00:01:35,399 Anybody up for a quick quinoa break? 35 00:01:35,442 --> 00:01:38,054 Derek's looks are as powerful as they are beautiful. 36 00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:39,186 Chillwave! 37 00:01:42,537 --> 00:01:45,278 Together, they face down the dark forces of fashion. 38 00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:46,670 [NARRATOR READING] 39 00:01:46,715 --> 00:01:47,497 [SCREAMING] 40 00:01:48,804 --> 00:01:49,760 [NARRATOR READING] 41 00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:52,329 [NARRATOR READING] 42 00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:56,854 [NARRATOR READING] 43 00:01:56,899 --> 00:01:58,117 And Gorilla Galliano. 44 00:01:58,813 --> 00:02:00,816 [ROARING] 45 00:02:00,858 --> 00:02:02,557 Wherever good-looking people are in danger, 46 00:02:02,599 --> 00:02:03,906 Derek and Hansel will be there. 47 00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:06,343 Volumizing Hold! 48 00:02:09,955 --> 00:02:11,174 With the help of their trusted agent 49 00:02:11,217 --> 00:02:13,088 Maury Ballstein. 50 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:16,396 You want my boys to work for scale? What am I, a schmendrick? 51 00:02:16,439 --> 00:02:18,007 Ace reporter Matilda Jeffries. 52 00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,921 Cool, bronzer. 53 00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:21,575 Why do I date you? 54 00:02:21,618 --> 00:02:24,579 Their faithful sidekick, Accessory. 55 00:02:24,622 --> 00:02:26,493 Their android stylist, Frankie J-PEG. 56 00:02:29,235 --> 00:02:32,239 Ech! Those outfits are like Ech! Destroy. 57 00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:37,591 And your narrator, me, Tim Gunn. 58 00:02:37,634 --> 00:02:39,115 It's the thrilling adventures of 59 00:02:39,158 --> 00:02:41,204 [ECHOING] Zoolander, Super Model. 60 00:02:42,944 --> 00:02:45,121 An alien attacking celebrities? 61 00:02:45,164 --> 00:02:47,210 Yikes! Maybe this flashback will explain. 62 00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:50,647 [EXPLOSION] 63 00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,614 Hot tomato soup! 64 00:02:59,656 --> 00:03:00,657 [LAUGHS] 65 00:03:02,355 --> 00:03:03,574 [ROARING] 66 00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:04,358 [SCREAMING] 67 00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:06,968 [PEOPLE CHEERING] 68 00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:15,151 Where you going, tomato soup? 69 00:03:16,891 --> 00:03:18,414 Tonight, we're launching the first 70 00:03:18,459 --> 00:03:20,983 celebrity-branded particle accelerator. 71 00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:24,290 Advanced particle physics isn't just for the Kardashians anymore. 72 00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:25,901 For years, my sisters and I have been smashing 73 00:03:25,943 --> 00:03:27,945 subatomic matter to recreate 74 00:03:27,990 --> 00:03:30,034 the energies that existed a fraction of a second 75 00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,733 after the Big Bang. Now you can, too! 76 00:03:32,341 --> 00:03:35,344 Oh, my God! 77 00:03:35,389 --> 00:03:38,043 You mean the "God particle," also known as the Higgs boson. 78 00:03:38,086 --> 00:03:39,522 The red carpet! 79 00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:41,307 It's alive! 80 00:03:41,350 --> 00:03:42,918 [ROARING] 81 00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:44,093 [SCREAMING] 82 00:03:44,135 --> 00:03:45,268 [CHOMPING NOISE] 83 00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,009 Not Khloe! 84 00:03:47,051 --> 00:03:48,139 [PEOPLE SCREAMING] 85 00:03:50,795 --> 00:03:51,926 [WHIMPERS] 86 00:03:51,969 --> 00:03:53,493 Devoured! 87 00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:57,280 The night she finally finds a flattering schmatta! 88 00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:59,674 Carpets gave man their friendship, yet we walked all over them. 89 00:04:02,545 --> 00:04:04,026 Cops couldn't capture it. They said 90 00:04:04,068 --> 00:04:05,680 it was some kind of, like, alien. 91 00:04:05,723 --> 00:04:08,943 It came from the stars, now it eats the stars! 92 00:04:08,986 --> 00:04:11,512 Eh... What's next? 93 00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:12,948 Okay, get this. Jake Gyllenhaal, [WOLF WHISTLING] 94 00:04:12,990 --> 00:04:14,210 picking up after his dog, right? 95 00:04:14,253 --> 00:04:14,992 And then... 96 00:04:16,908 --> 00:04:19,170 We're not going to watch the story of Jakey Gylls? 97 00:04:20,434 --> 00:04:23,000 Never mind. Downloaded. 98 00:04:23,045 --> 00:04:26,918 You gotta stop this fakakta space rag before it shuts down the town. 99 00:04:26,961 --> 00:04:29,704 Okay, bro-migo, ready to go munch on this carpet? 100 00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:31,531 First we have to find it. 101 00:04:31,574 --> 00:04:34,447 If you liked the taste of celebrity flesh, where would you go? 102 00:04:34,490 --> 00:04:37,886 A deli that serves sandwiches named after celebrities. 103 00:04:37,928 --> 00:04:40,367 Ooh! Have you had the Ryan Seacrest at Langer's? 104 00:04:40,409 --> 00:04:43,326 It's like Ryan Seacrest is in your mouth. 105 00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:45,327 Leighton Meester is having a party tonight 106 00:04:45,372 --> 00:04:46,329 for her new perfume, 107 00:04:46,372 --> 00:04:47,808 "Meestery," 108 00:04:47,851 --> 00:04:49,550 which is named after her name. 109 00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:51,812 Good thinking, you big pile of bolts! 110 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,816 [DINGING] 111 00:04:54,858 --> 00:04:57,731 Well, it's no "Meestery" where we'll be tonight. 112 00:04:57,774 --> 00:05:00,343 Getting our weekly in-home deep-tissue pedicure and hot-rock colonic. 113 00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:04,913 Or, we could go catch that Red Carpet. 114 00:05:04,956 --> 00:05:08,002 You mean reschedule the colonic? 115 00:05:08,045 --> 00:05:10,658 NARRATOR: Will our good-looking do-gooders stop the carnivorous carpet? 116 00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:13,355 Will Frankie J-PEG confess his confidential crush? 117 00:05:13,399 --> 00:05:15,271 And what about that colonic? 118 00:05:15,314 --> 00:05:17,838 Find out in our next episode! 119 00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:19,927 My schedule is insane, but I'll try to make it. 120 00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:28,327 Broccoli again? Yuck. 121 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:30,372 Yuck indeed. 122 00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,331 Derek Zoolander! 123 00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,725 Growing bodies like yours need non-yucky food. 124 00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:37,379 But you won't find it here. Come with me. 125 00:05:40,077 --> 00:05:41,557 Suzie, school lunches are filled 126 00:05:41,601 --> 00:05:43,254 with things you should never eat. 127 00:05:43,298 --> 00:05:47,608 Like broccoli, apples and yellow stuff. 128 00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:49,783 Look what happens to this kind of food when it enters your body. 129 00:05:52,742 --> 00:05:54,701 Your stomach is like a VIP club, 130 00:05:54,745 --> 00:05:57,269 and only certain food gets in. 131 00:05:57,312 --> 00:05:59,620 Get the hell outta here with your beta-carotene. 132 00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:01,403 Ah! Freakin' carrot thinks he can get in the club. 133 00:06:01,447 --> 00:06:04,059 Nugget, please! 134 00:06:04,101 --> 00:06:07,454 But anything from the Derek Zoolander food triangle is a-okay-o. 135 00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:09,281 The first food group is pills. 136 00:06:09,324 --> 00:06:11,545 The second is latte. 137 00:06:11,588 --> 00:06:14,677 And the third and most important is energy drinks. 138 00:06:14,721 --> 00:06:16,375 Now, I know you're thinking, 139 00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:18,115 "Can I still have a cigarette between meals?" 140 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,639 Ew! No! 141 00:06:19,682 --> 00:06:22,903 That's right, smoking is bad for you. 142 00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:25,384 That's why nicotine comes in delicious flavors of gum, 143 00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:27,951 like Mint, Cinnamon Surge and Orange Mocha. 144 00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:31,216 My mom says nicotine's addictive. 145 00:06:31,259 --> 00:06:33,305 Well, Suzie, is your mom a scientist? 146 00:06:33,348 --> 00:06:36,004 No, she's a social media consultant for non-profits. 147 00:06:36,351 --> 00:06:37,571 Exactly. 148 00:06:37,613 --> 00:06:39,310 Who wants bubblegum? 149 00:06:39,355 --> 00:06:41,749 [KIDS CHEERING] 150 00:06:41,792 --> 00:06:45,970 So in collusion, nutrition, gum, club inside your body. 151 00:06:46,014 --> 00:06:48,058 And that's Model Behavior. 152 00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:56,240 NARRATOR: The launch party for Leighton Meester's new perfume. 153 00:06:56,284 --> 00:06:57,851 It's light, classic, elegant. 154 00:06:57,894 --> 00:06:59,896 Like putting Grace Kelly up your nose. 155 00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:02,290 Leighton! 156 00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:04,466 Matilda Jeffries, Celebrity Scandal Magazine, 157 00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,600 but formerly Time and other serious things. 158 00:07:06,642 --> 00:07:08,514 Are you afraid that the Red Carpet might strike tonight? 159 00:07:08,557 --> 00:07:09,994 The only thing I'm afraid of is 160 00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:11,995 running out of my new signature scent. 161 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,824 It's called "Meestery." 162 00:07:14,694 --> 00:07:15,913 [COUGHING] 163 00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:17,524 Because of my name. 164 00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:19,002 "Meester." 165 00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:20,744 Right, I got it. Thanks. 166 00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:23,617 And also, the word "mystery." They sound alike. 167 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,706 Yeah, no, totally clear on that. 168 00:07:26,271 --> 00:07:27,228 [CROWD CHEERING] 169 00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:33,495 Please. We are here tonight as your protectors, 170 00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:35,716 not as super beautiful celebrity models. 171 00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:37,718 Hey. Get me from this side, boys. 172 00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:39,545 My right dimp is 6 millimeets deeper. 173 00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:45,159 Oh. Hello, Matilda Jeffries. 174 00:07:45,202 --> 00:07:46,944 Reporter for Celebrity Scandal Magazine, 175 00:07:46,987 --> 00:07:48,728 but formerly other stuff. 176 00:07:48,771 --> 00:07:50,992 Derek. I didn't know you were coming. 177 00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:54,908 How have you been since we broke up? 178 00:07:54,951 --> 00:07:58,826 I haven't been crying every night, if that's what you're asking. 179 00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:00,827 Derek, I still want to be friends. 180 00:08:00,870 --> 00:08:02,656 I was so worried when I heard about the accident 181 00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:04,918 with your new look, "Multi-Vitamin." 182 00:08:04,961 --> 00:08:07,182 Inventing new looks can be dangerous. 183 00:08:07,225 --> 00:08:09,576 They're not your run-of-the-mill cookie-cutter looks. 184 00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:11,968 Except for "Run of the Mill" and "Cookie Cutter." 185 00:08:12,012 --> 00:08:14,014 And me and you, just "friends"? 186 00:08:14,057 --> 00:08:17,018 Excuse me, but back in the real world, 187 00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:19,802 I have to go fight a big pile of red goo that eats people. 188 00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:32,729 [GRUNTS] [GASPS] 189 00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,688 What are you doing? 190 00:08:35,731 --> 00:08:37,734 I'm saving you from this alien. 191 00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:40,868 That's a faux leather shawl! 192 00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:43,479 [STUTTERING]It won't be bothering you again, 193 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,871 and nice job being cruelty-free. 194 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:49,136 Scarlett Johansson! Over here! Who are you wearing? 195 00:08:52,879 --> 00:08:55,143 Matilda, look out! Chai Latte! 196 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,280 Derek! What's gotten into you? 197 00:09:03,325 --> 00:09:05,283 That was a L'Wren Scott! 198 00:09:05,326 --> 00:09:07,894 I'm sorry. I was l'wrong. 199 00:09:07,937 --> 00:09:11,072 And the past 30 seconds have made me realize 200 00:09:11,115 --> 00:09:13,856 that I've been l'wrong about a lot of things. 201 00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:20,254 This launch party's a diseester. 202 00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:23,562 Mmm. A hint of seawater. 203 00:09:26,216 --> 00:09:27,304 [SCREAMING] 204 00:09:27,349 --> 00:09:28,263 [CHOMPING] 205 00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:30,394 They're gone! 206 00:09:30,438 --> 00:09:31,745 We're too Leighton! 207 00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:35,225 She will be meesed. 208 00:09:35,269 --> 00:09:38,577 NARRATOR: Such a sweet girl. Between her death and that L'Wren Scott tragedy, 209 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,361 the celebrity world grinds to a halt. 210 00:09:46,323 --> 00:09:48,587 Everyone is seriously freaking out about the Red Carpet. 211 00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:50,371 Even I'm staying home, 212 00:09:50,414 --> 00:09:51,981 and I'd go to the opening of an envelope. 213 00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:54,768 I mean, not literally. Envelopes are boring. 214 00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:56,943 This is awful. Movie stars afraid 215 00:09:56,986 --> 00:09:59,642 to take a stance against tornadoes. 216 00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:02,035 Uh-oh. They just canceled the launch party 217 00:10:02,078 --> 00:10:04,298 for that cola based on Vin Diesel's new novel. 218 00:10:04,341 --> 00:10:06,866 The Red Carpet is threatening our way of life. 219 00:10:06,909 --> 00:10:10,347 If celebrities stay home, how will society malfunction? 220 00:10:10,392 --> 00:10:12,480 Well, if everyone's afraid to host an event, 221 00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:14,264 then maybe we have to. 222 00:10:14,308 --> 00:10:17,006 Our own party. Great plan, Hansel! 223 00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:19,096 A trap to lure the Red Carpet. That makes sense. 224 00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:23,578 [STAMMERS] That's what we meant. 225 00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:24,798 Yeah, okay, sure. 226 00:10:24,841 --> 00:10:25,581 We're on the same page. 227 00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:27,408 Red Carpet trap. 228 00:10:27,451 --> 00:10:28,235 [CHITTERS] 229 00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,894 NARRATOR: Derek and Hansel are luring the Red Carpet to them 230 00:10:34,937 --> 00:10:37,636 by staging a launch for a fake energy drink. 231 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,942 You know, I was approached for my own energy drink. 232 00:10:39,986 --> 00:10:42,903 It was called "Put This Gunn In Your Mouth." Anyway... 233 00:10:42,946 --> 00:10:45,905 Enjoy! It'll put the pep back in your pupik. 234 00:10:45,948 --> 00:10:47,908 Anything out of the ordinary? 235 00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:49,649 Well, Sarah Jessica Parker has really let herself go. 236 00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:51,650 But other than that, no. 237 00:10:57,004 --> 00:10:59,745 Oh! Tomato soup. We meet again. 238 00:10:59,788 --> 00:11:01,095 [PEOPLE CHEERING] 239 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,707 Why you treat me like that, soup? 240 00:11:05,751 --> 00:11:07,100 WOMAN: Hansel! Over here! Hansel! 241 00:11:09,232 --> 00:11:10,321 [ROARS] 242 00:11:13,236 --> 00:11:14,282 [SCREAMING] 243 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:19,155 What's wrong, not into heavy metal? 244 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,288 Because that's what I'm made of. I'm an android. 245 00:11:27,033 --> 00:11:28,904 Hey! Red thingy! 246 00:11:28,948 --> 00:11:30,994 Time for red to meet blue. 247 00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:32,299 Blue Steel, that is. 248 00:11:36,956 --> 00:11:38,000 [CHEERING] 249 00:11:39,524 --> 00:11:41,570 We did it! 250 00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:44,268 I was thinking, what if we actually did make an energy drink? 251 00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,400 People seem pretty jazzed about the concept. 252 00:11:46,443 --> 00:11:48,490 And the can's already designed. 253 00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:51,623 DEREK: But I'm coming out with a line of premium fruit-infused vodkas. 254 00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:53,059 We don't want confusion in the marketplace. 255 00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:58,717 [SCREAMS] 256 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,676 It's going after Sarah Jessica Porker! 257 00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:12,166 Sorry, Carpet, looks like this is one party we're... 258 00:12:14,602 --> 00:12:17,823 Can't get clean shot! 259 00:12:17,866 --> 00:12:20,826 Derek, don't! You'll hit me! 260 00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:23,524 I'm sorry, did you say, "Do it, hit me"? 261 00:12:23,567 --> 00:12:27,658 No! I said, "Don't do it, you'll hit me!" 262 00:12:27,702 --> 00:12:29,966 Hansel, I can't hear you because 263 00:12:30,009 --> 00:12:32,360 you're being eaten by the Red Carpet. 264 00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:35,231 Okay, I'm gonna use my Hot Mess look and risk your life, 265 00:12:35,275 --> 00:12:36,538 because you made me do it. 266 00:12:36,581 --> 00:12:39,019 No! Not Hot Mess! 267 00:12:45,503 --> 00:12:47,201 How could you do that? 268 00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:49,419 I know. Somehow I found the courage. 269 00:12:50,159 --> 00:12:51,770 That was a close one. 270 00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:53,903 I thought I'd never hold you again. 271 00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:56,514 I mean... Error 404 not found... 272 00:12:56,557 --> 00:12:58,298 ...see you again. 273 00:12:58,341 --> 00:13:01,432 Beautiful people! Thank you for being our bait. 274 00:13:01,475 --> 00:13:03,477 The threat is over. You are safe once again. 275 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:04,304 [CHEERING] 276 00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:08,048 But not if you sipped this fake energy drink. 277 00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:10,745 It's melted ice from the seafood case at D'Agostino's. 278 00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:11,485 No one drank it, did they? 279 00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:16,707 NARRATOR: Is this the last we've seen of the Red Carpet? 280 00:13:16,751 --> 00:13:19,450 Yes. I can definitely say the Red Carpet is no more 281 00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:21,017 and won't return to seek revenge. 282 00:13:21,061 --> 00:13:22,235 And you can quote me on that. 283 00:13:27,719 --> 00:13:29,373 Derek Zoolander? 284 00:13:29,417 --> 00:13:32,158 Hey, Jeremy. How's the beverage business? 285 00:13:32,201 --> 00:13:35,030 Terrible. It's like no one wants lemonade. 286 00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:36,772 That's because you're not selling lemonade. 287 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,426 I'm not? 288 00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:41,384 No, you're selling Jeremy. You just don't know it. 289 00:13:41,428 --> 00:13:42,865 You see, 290 00:13:42,908 --> 00:13:45,868 the key to any successful product is branding. 291 00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:48,827 What you sell is less important than how you sell it. 292 00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:52,352 That's why celebrities will attach their name to anything. 293 00:13:52,395 --> 00:13:54,398 Two weeks on the market, it's already 294 00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:55,790 the best-selling brand of camel milk. 295 00:13:56,399 --> 00:13:57,619 Bucket or jar. 296 00:13:57,966 --> 00:13:59,229 Wow! 297 00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:00,447 You can do it, too! 298 00:14:06,453 --> 00:14:08,195 Who's ready to suck down some Jeremy? 299 00:14:08,238 --> 00:14:09,413 [ALL CHEERING] 300 00:14:09,456 --> 00:14:11,371 Now isn't that better? 301 00:14:11,414 --> 00:14:13,504 I've already expanded into new flavors. 302 00:14:13,548 --> 00:14:15,767 Cherry, Watermelon and Appletini! 303 00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:17,812 Just don't sell any camel milk. 304 00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:19,162 You'll put me out of business. 305 00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:21,903 And that's Model Behavior. 306 00:14:30,216 --> 00:14:32,740 Perfect. It's blowing up on the celebrity baby blogs, 307 00:14:32,783 --> 00:14:33,828 and I knew you'd love it. 308 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,004 [WHIMPERS] 309 00:14:35,048 --> 00:14:36,918 Lunch time! 310 00:14:36,962 --> 00:14:40,400 My favorite, tofu on the cob and a diet water. Yum! 311 00:14:41,183 --> 00:14:42,097 Fresh protein powder? 312 00:14:42,142 --> 00:14:42,969 Sold! 313 00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:46,450 Oops. 314 00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:49,149 My bad. Guess I owe you an apology. 315 00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:51,673 That's what people do when they endanger their friends. 316 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,024 Apologize? 317 00:14:56,068 --> 00:14:59,072 Why should I apologize for saving your life from the Red Carpet? 318 00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:00,942 You almost set me on fire last night! 319 00:15:00,986 --> 00:15:03,859 Okay, you want me to apologize? 320 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:07,123 Fine. I'm sorry that your looks don't give you superpowers, 321 00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:09,385 and you have to rely on your little gizmos. 322 00:15:09,429 --> 00:15:10,431 [MIMICS ELECTRONIC BEEPING] 323 00:15:11,126 --> 00:15:13,173 Giz'mo you didn't! 324 00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:16,350 You want to put your super-looks up against my Hanselventions? 325 00:15:16,393 --> 00:15:19,004 Sustainable harvested bamboo nunchuks. 326 00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:21,006 Chain's made of hemp. 327 00:15:21,049 --> 00:15:23,966 Please, no fighting in front of the monkey! 328 00:15:24,009 --> 00:15:26,229 Which look you going to pull out of your bag of tricks, 329 00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:28,100 Multi-Vitamin? 330 00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:30,798 We agreed we wouldn't talk about the Multi-Vitamin incident. 331 00:15:30,841 --> 00:15:33,235 You mean, when you ruined our orgy by almost dying? 332 00:15:34,236 --> 00:15:36,326 Oh, quit your bickering, boys! 333 00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:38,240 How did you know we were arguing? 334 00:15:38,284 --> 00:15:41,201 What? I was talking to my prostate and my urethra. 335 00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:43,072 They are mixing it up today, I tell ya! 336 00:15:43,115 --> 00:15:44,421 Just a few drops. Something. 337 00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:46,989 We got an emergency. 338 00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,990 You guys get your tucheses down to the 339 00:15:49,034 --> 00:15:50,993 Gunther Geiger Grooming Gifting Suite! 340 00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,428 On such short notice? 341 00:15:52,472 --> 00:15:54,475 If we don't mentally prepare, 342 00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:58,392 one look at all those new conditioners and we will totally freeze up. 343 00:15:58,434 --> 00:16:00,567 You're not going for the free hair care products. 344 00:16:00,610 --> 00:16:02,438 It's the Paparocto! He's holding 345 00:16:02,482 --> 00:16:04,528 everyone in the suite for ransom! 346 00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:07,662 That's horrible! Has he harmed any of the free hair care products? 347 00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:12,405 NARRATOR: The Paparocto. 348 00:16:12,448 --> 00:16:14,842 A camera-toting creep of criminality! 349 00:16:14,885 --> 00:16:16,932 Only such a foul photographic fiend 350 00:16:16,975 --> 00:16:18,977 would violate the sanctity of a gifting suite. 351 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:24,157 I hit the jackpot here, man. Look at you idiots. 352 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,158 Kellan Lutz! Gotcha. 353 00:16:26,201 --> 00:16:28,422 Bethenny Frankel! Bang! 354 00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:31,773 Season 15 Bachelorette Emily Maynard! 355 00:16:31,816 --> 00:16:34,601 And here's a real big celebrity... 356 00:16:34,644 --> 00:16:36,734 Rachel Bilson. 357 00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:38,909 What is with all you ladies gaining weight? 358 00:16:38,953 --> 00:16:40,302 Need my wide lens for this. 359 00:16:40,346 --> 00:16:41,913 Ka-blam! 360 00:16:41,956 --> 00:16:44,046 Okay, you know the drill. 361 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:47,048 I want $5 million, unmarked, out of sequence. 362 00:16:47,092 --> 00:16:48,832 I want a chopper, two guns, 363 00:16:48,876 --> 00:16:50,835 and a beautiful girl to escort me 364 00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:53,011 who's very mean but then she's nice. 365 00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:56,188 You got an hour before I start putting these suckers down, 366 00:16:56,231 --> 00:16:58,408 starting with the D-listers. 367 00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,758 5 million? In an hour? 368 00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:02,456 That Bachelorette is toast. If she's not dead already. 369 00:17:03,543 --> 00:17:05,633 She's fine for now, sir, look. 370 00:17:05,675 --> 00:17:07,678 Now that's what I call fresh gossip. 371 00:17:07,721 --> 00:17:09,897 No one beats Definitely Darren for hot scoops, sir. 372 00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:10,986 I check it every morning. 373 00:17:13,683 --> 00:17:16,077 Bethenny, show me your hostage face! 374 00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:17,775 Why are you taking our pictures? 375 00:17:17,818 --> 00:17:19,559 Haven't you done enough? 376 00:17:19,603 --> 00:17:23,346 Check it, Rachel Bills, I got two revenue streams, girl! 377 00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:26,567 Commit awesome crimes, sell photos of said crimes to the tabloids. 378 00:17:26,609 --> 00:17:29,743 That's how 'Rocto gets paid. 379 00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:32,702 Ever since... Ever since the accident. [ECHOING] 380 00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:35,836 NARRATOR: Before he became the Paparocto, 381 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,665 Brock Principato was the most prolific paparazzo 382 00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:40,755 from Sao Paulo to Pago Pago. 383 00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:42,844 Whew! That's a mouthful. 384 00:17:42,886 --> 00:17:44,366 Hey, gay kid from Glee! 385 00:17:44,411 --> 00:17:46,934 [CHUCKLES] Booyah! 386 00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:49,676 Until one day, Brock met a celebrity who'd had enough. 387 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:50,894 Katy Perry! 388 00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:54,247 C'mon, one nip slip! 389 00:17:54,289 --> 00:17:55,813 Flash me a whale tail! 390 00:17:55,856 --> 00:17:57,163 Give me some pepperoni. 391 00:17:58,816 --> 00:18:01,905 Stupid scumbag paparazzi piece of shit! 392 00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:04,344 Leave me alone! I'm in a really emotional place. 393 00:18:04,386 --> 00:18:05,605 My Tamagotchi just died. 394 00:18:09,174 --> 00:18:11,786 Okay, Katy Perry can hit, no doubt. 395 00:18:11,828 --> 00:18:12,568 Very painful. 396 00:18:13,482 --> 00:18:14,180 Two ribs cracked. 397 00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:15,963 Ow! 398 00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:20,142 Katy Perry don't fuck around, bitch! 399 00:18:21,186 --> 00:18:22,752 NARRATOR: Unfortunately for Brock, 400 00:18:22,797 --> 00:18:24,232 neither does the US Military, 401 00:18:24,277 --> 00:18:26,105 who happened to be transporting 402 00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,061 radioactive waste that very night. 403 00:18:30,020 --> 00:18:32,588 No! No! 404 00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:36,244 Gotta sell these shots to 405 00:18:36,288 --> 00:18:37,942 In Touch! 406 00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:41,771 [GROANS] 407 00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:59,747 What have I become? I'm a friggin' monster. 408 00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:02,923 Oh, flavor-saver. Nice. 409 00:19:06,231 --> 00:19:08,756 Hey, Demi Lovato! Don't you turn away from me! 410 00:19:11,932 --> 00:19:14,326 Lindsay Lohan, show me your privates by accident. 411 00:19:18,417 --> 00:19:20,070 So that's my origin story. 412 00:19:20,115 --> 00:19:21,986 Now who should I kill first? 413 00:19:22,029 --> 00:19:23,074 [LOUD CRASHING] 414 00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:31,952 Let them go, Paparocto! 415 00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:34,912 You've brought fear and destruction to a place of peace. 416 00:19:34,955 --> 00:19:37,132 Hostage-taking goes against everything we believe in. 417 00:19:37,175 --> 00:19:39,047 Like product placement. Ooh! 418 00:19:39,089 --> 00:19:40,395 They have Gunther Geiger Grooming 419 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:41,528 Extra-Hold Texturizing Hair Putty 420 00:19:41,570 --> 00:19:43,007 and Volumizing Gel. 421 00:19:43,050 --> 00:19:43,964 Oh! 422 00:19:47,621 --> 00:19:49,491 Ah! I can't see a thing! 423 00:19:49,536 --> 00:19:50,971 Which way is the putty? 424 00:19:52,538 --> 00:19:53,626 Yes! 425 00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:54,627 No! 426 00:19:58,761 --> 00:20:00,634 See, that's how you save a friend. 427 00:20:02,156 --> 00:20:04,115 I'm not having this conversation now. 428 00:20:04,159 --> 00:20:06,640 We need to rescue those samples. 429 00:20:07,509 --> 00:20:08,468 Liquid Ice! 430 00:20:11,471 --> 00:20:13,777 You could take that pretty little face right back 431 00:20:13,820 --> 00:20:17,390 to SoHoNoWo... Wherever the hell you live. 432 00:20:17,432 --> 00:20:20,261 Because ain't no way you're taking down the 'Rocto. 433 00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:21,611 Ow! 434 00:20:27,355 --> 00:20:30,229 I count four hostages but only one of them 435 00:20:30,271 --> 00:20:33,101 famous enough to get invited to a gifting suite of this quality. 436 00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:34,929 You know, I wasn't going to say anything, 437 00:20:34,971 --> 00:20:37,105 but a Bachelorette and a Real Housewife? 438 00:20:37,147 --> 00:20:38,498 Seriously? 439 00:20:38,540 --> 00:20:39,412 Maybe they know somebody. 440 00:20:41,195 --> 00:20:42,675 Gotcha! 441 00:20:42,719 --> 00:20:44,807 I can't reach my weapons, Zoo. 442 00:20:44,852 --> 00:20:47,028 And he's turned out the lights! 443 00:20:47,070 --> 00:20:49,160 No, you idiot, I'm covering your face 444 00:20:49,203 --> 00:20:51,031 so you can't make your stupid looks. 445 00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:53,076 Ah! My one weakness. 446 00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:55,515 My Achilles' face. 447 00:20:55,557 --> 00:20:58,605 Time to take the most valuable paparazzi shots ever. 448 00:20:58,647 --> 00:21:01,520 The deaths of Zoolander and Hansel! 449 00:21:01,564 --> 00:21:04,785 Celebrity Scandal will pay a fortune. 450 00:21:04,827 --> 00:21:06,742 I have an on-again, off-again relationship 451 00:21:06,787 --> 00:21:09,093 with a reporter there if you need an in. 452 00:21:09,136 --> 00:21:11,008 NARRATOR: Can our models/heroes escape the clutches 453 00:21:11,051 --> 00:21:12,880 of this multi-armed menace? 454 00:21:12,923 --> 00:21:14,750 Will I ever find something to wear to 455 00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:16,797 Barry and Diane's thing tonight? 456 00:21:16,839 --> 00:21:19,103 It's not like I didn't have time to plan. 457 00:21:19,146 --> 00:21:20,974 Tim, why do you always wait until the last minute? 458 00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:30,375 Hi, kids. I'm celebrity artist and pop star Katy Perry. 459 00:21:30,419 --> 00:21:32,551 You may know me from my hit songs, 460 00:21:32,595 --> 00:21:35,903 my movies, or my many restaurant reviews on Yelp. 461 00:21:35,945 --> 00:21:37,904 I never knew there were so many shades of gray. 462 00:21:40,472 --> 00:21:43,605 My friend Derek Zoolander asked me to talk to you 463 00:21:43,650 --> 00:21:46,173 about an important skill every child needs to learn. 464 00:21:46,217 --> 00:21:48,262 No, not reading. 465 00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,830 Katy Perry! Katy Perry! Over here! 466 00:21:50,874 --> 00:21:53,181 Dealing with the paparazzi. 467 00:21:53,223 --> 00:21:55,226 Here's a trick that always works for me. 468 00:21:55,269 --> 00:21:56,923 Let your People's Choice Award do the talking. 469 00:21:57,619 --> 00:21:59,361 [GRUNTS] 470 00:21:59,404 --> 00:22:01,319 If you don't have that handy, 471 00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:03,583 your MTV Australia Award for Breakthrough Video will do. 472 00:22:04,539 --> 00:22:05,585 Aah! 473 00:22:07,064 --> 00:22:08,761 Katy! Darling! What do you think about 474 00:22:08,805 --> 00:22:10,894 that thing that happened in the news? 475 00:22:10,938 --> 00:22:13,896 If you left your awards in your other limo, don't worry. 476 00:22:13,941 --> 00:22:15,508 There are lots of ways to hurt these douchebags. 477 00:22:17,596 --> 00:22:19,772 [SCREAMS] My eyes! I need those! 478 00:22:20,817 --> 00:22:22,471 Mmm. Yum! 479 00:22:22,515 --> 00:22:25,473 I give this four Yelps! 480 00:22:25,518 --> 00:22:29,086 So remember, kids, the paparazzi are soulless scum 481 00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:31,611 who don't deserve to be treated like human beings. 482 00:22:31,653 --> 00:22:34,177 What if you don't have a People's Choice Award? 483 00:22:34,221 --> 00:22:37,747 [CHUCKLES] Even Selena Gomez has a People's Choice Award. 484 00:22:37,790 --> 00:22:39,314 You're funny. 485 00:22:39,357 --> 00:22:41,621 And that's Model Behavior. 486 00:22:41,663 --> 00:22:42,490 See ya! 487 00:22:44,884 --> 00:22:46,146 [KATY PERRY SONG PLAYING] 488 00:22:50,019 --> 00:22:51,979 Hey! She was my ride. 489 00:22:56,983 --> 00:22:58,768 NARRATOR: When last we left our heroes, 490 00:22:58,811 --> 00:23:01,336 I needed something to wear to Barry and Diane's thing. 491 00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:04,295 I settled on a fitted navy blazer with a paisley ascot. 492 00:23:04,338 --> 00:23:06,689 And that Hermes belt really tied it together. 493 00:23:06,732 --> 00:23:09,212 Meanwhile, Derek and Hansel sure are in trouble. 494 00:23:09,257 --> 00:23:11,127 Hurry up and die. 495 00:23:11,172 --> 00:23:13,304 Pictures of you two going tits up will be my biggest payday 496 00:23:13,347 --> 00:23:14,567 since fat Rihanna. 497 00:23:14,609 --> 00:23:16,220 Listen, the Paparocto. 498 00:23:16,263 --> 00:23:18,527 Product placement will make your photos more valuable. 499 00:23:18,570 --> 00:23:20,528 Move us in front of those bottles 500 00:23:20,573 --> 00:23:23,053 of Gunther Geiger Grooming Citrus Hydrator and Smoothing Wax. 501 00:23:23,096 --> 00:23:24,490 You're giving him pointers? 502 00:23:24,532 --> 00:23:26,491 I mean, you're right, it's Modeling 101, 503 00:23:26,535 --> 00:23:28,842 but Earth to Derek, he's trying to kill us. 504 00:23:28,884 --> 00:23:32,279 Fine. Take your last breath, you gorgeous idiots. 505 00:23:32,323 --> 00:23:36,632 Am I right in front of the display? 506 00:23:36,675 --> 00:23:39,113 Not sure why you care so much, but yes. 507 00:23:42,072 --> 00:23:43,203 [SCREAMS] 508 00:23:43,247 --> 00:23:44,509 Double Rainbow! 509 00:23:48,904 --> 00:23:50,124 Helvetica Bold! 510 00:23:53,910 --> 00:23:55,041 ALL: Hooray! 511 00:23:59,307 --> 00:24:00,874 Oh, man! 512 00:24:00,916 --> 00:24:02,179 They took all the Gunther Geiger 513 00:24:02,222 --> 00:24:03,615 Ultra Moisture Cucumber Body Paste. 514 00:24:04,877 --> 00:24:07,270 Nice work, models. You saved the day. 515 00:24:07,315 --> 00:24:09,143 No hard feelings, right, Derek? 516 00:24:09,185 --> 00:24:11,144 We should get bottle service sometime. 517 00:24:11,188 --> 00:24:13,016 Yep, everything's back to normal. 518 00:24:15,061 --> 00:24:19,108 Or is nothing normal whatsoever? 519 00:24:19,153 --> 00:24:23,896 Halle Berry, Eva Mendes, Rosie Huntington- Whiteley-Huntington. 520 00:24:23,940 --> 00:24:26,160 Even Milla Jovovovich is joverweight. 521 00:24:26,813 --> 00:24:28,554 It makes no sense. 522 00:24:28,596 --> 00:24:30,381 Look, I know you're still angry 523 00:24:30,424 --> 00:24:32,383 because I almost burned your face off. 524 00:24:32,426 --> 00:24:35,647 But this crisis requires us to put aside such petty concerns. 525 00:24:35,691 --> 00:24:37,345 Fine. But the second these ladies 526 00:24:37,387 --> 00:24:38,738 are back to being fine as hell, 527 00:24:38,780 --> 00:24:40,130 I get to be mad again. 528 00:24:40,173 --> 00:24:41,044 That is the mature choice. 529 00:24:41,740 --> 00:24:43,438 Pinkie shake. 530 00:24:43,481 --> 00:24:45,875 So, what do we do about the yucky fat people? 531 00:24:45,919 --> 00:24:48,529 Mmm. Lure them into a sweat lodge? 532 00:24:48,574 --> 00:24:52,272 It'll shed those pounds, and bonus, vision quest. 533 00:24:52,316 --> 00:24:55,405 No, we need to get to the bottom of this. Let's really think. 534 00:25:00,759 --> 00:25:02,761 Anything? 535 00:25:02,805 --> 00:25:07,375 Yes. I'm thinking about the new Marc Jacobs line. 536 00:25:07,417 --> 00:25:08,942 He's doing wonderful things with alligator vinyl. 537 00:25:12,858 --> 00:25:15,688 Yes, the number of overweight models and celebrities has spiked. 538 00:25:15,730 --> 00:25:17,690 But I still don't see how that's a national security issue. 539 00:25:17,732 --> 00:25:20,779 No, no. National "insecurity" issue. 540 00:25:20,823 --> 00:25:24,131 It makes them in-secure, not secure-rer-er. 541 00:25:24,173 --> 00:25:26,525 No, that's not... Forget it. 542 00:25:26,567 --> 00:25:29,135 Is there anything else, because I have to get back to this story on 543 00:25:29,179 --> 00:25:32,487 summer's flirty new tampons. God, I hate this job. 544 00:25:32,530 --> 00:25:36,056 Matilda, celebrities don't just gain weight. 545 00:25:36,098 --> 00:25:39,538 Can't you find a link or a pattern or... Wow. 546 00:25:39,580 --> 00:25:41,409 That is a flirty new tampon. 547 00:25:41,451 --> 00:25:42,627 Fine, you want me to look for a pattern, 548 00:25:42,671 --> 00:25:43,932 I'll look for... 549 00:25:43,977 --> 00:25:45,979 Wait a minute. 550 00:25:46,021 --> 00:25:48,241 What? Did you "hack into a mainframe"? 551 00:25:48,285 --> 00:25:49,808 Are we in the Matrix right now? 552 00:25:49,852 --> 00:25:51,636 Matilda, can you hear me? 553 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:53,160 "Chloe, triangulate the signal!" 554 00:25:54,943 --> 00:25:56,510 There might actually be a link. 555 00:25:56,555 --> 00:25:58,730 These women all see the same doctor. 556 00:25:58,773 --> 00:26:00,993 Dr. James Bentex of Beverly Hills. 557 00:26:01,037 --> 00:26:03,038 Hmm. A plastic surgeon. 558 00:26:03,083 --> 00:26:06,128 How do you know that? [CHUCKLES] Matilda... 559 00:26:06,173 --> 00:26:08,305 You think there's a doctor in Beverly Hills 560 00:26:08,348 --> 00:26:10,916 fixing a cold or a broken arm or 561 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,962 anything other than wrinkle lines? 562 00:26:14,007 --> 00:26:17,140 "Oh! I have all this cancer. I better go to Beverly Hills." 563 00:26:18,968 --> 00:26:22,798 Honestly, Matilda, sometimes you can be such a ding-a-ling. 564 00:26:22,842 --> 00:26:24,365 [SIGHS] I'll go print out his address. 565 00:26:25,321 --> 00:26:26,888 So, ready to go to California? 566 00:26:26,932 --> 00:26:28,673 Honestly, I don't think we should 567 00:26:28,717 --> 00:26:30,371 go on a vacation until we check out 568 00:26:30,413 --> 00:26:33,026 this Doctor Bentex in Beverly Hills. 569 00:26:33,068 --> 00:26:34,854 Good point. California will have to wait. 570 00:26:38,552 --> 00:26:41,556 NARRATOR: Beautiful Beverly Hills. Land of sunshine, 571 00:26:41,599 --> 00:26:45,472 palm trees and... Look, it's the guys fromEntourage! 572 00:26:45,516 --> 00:26:47,648 So I booked this laxative commercial, which is great. 573 00:26:47,692 --> 00:26:50,217 But it's not exactly what I ran away from home for. 574 00:26:50,259 --> 00:26:52,872 Well, becoming a fashion model doesn't happen overnight, 575 00:26:52,914 --> 00:26:54,916 even with a face as pretty as yours. 576 00:26:55,961 --> 00:26:58,486 SHRILL VOICE: She's hideous! 577 00:26:58,528 --> 00:27:00,227 I mean, you have a few blemishes. 578 00:27:00,269 --> 00:27:02,055 A crease here and there... 579 00:27:02,097 --> 00:27:03,403 Excuse me? 580 00:27:03,446 --> 00:27:05,405 We need to fix her. 581 00:27:05,449 --> 00:27:06,929 I need to fix her! 582 00:27:08,931 --> 00:27:11,193 Just go, go, don't worry about the co-pay! 583 00:27:11,238 --> 00:27:12,500 But what about my labioplasty? 584 00:27:19,246 --> 00:27:21,943 You weakling! We have so much work to do. 585 00:27:21,988 --> 00:27:23,554 No! I won't! 586 00:27:23,597 --> 00:27:24,598 Oh, really? 587 00:27:25,686 --> 00:27:28,384 Are those crow's feet, Doctor? 588 00:27:28,429 --> 00:27:32,346 Ooh! A few more gray hairs today, Doctor. 589 00:27:32,388 --> 00:27:34,740 I look distinguished. Leave me alone. 590 00:27:34,782 --> 00:27:36,349 I want to help you, James. 591 00:27:36,393 --> 00:27:38,439 Help you look your best. 592 00:27:39,919 --> 00:27:42,835 That's it. Make yourself beautiful 593 00:27:42,877 --> 00:27:45,489 and uncage me! 594 00:27:45,532 --> 00:27:48,578 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] Mr. Doctor? Hello. 595 00:27:48,623 --> 00:27:50,669 [EXCLAIMS] Just a moment! 596 00:27:52,583 --> 00:27:55,194 What an honor it is to have the great Derek Zoolander in my office. 597 00:27:55,238 --> 00:27:57,109 And Hansel! 598 00:27:57,153 --> 00:27:59,112 Yeah, about the pictures... 599 00:27:59,154 --> 00:28:01,548 Hmm. They are a cause for concern. 600 00:28:01,592 --> 00:28:03,333 I'll talk to my patients and stress 601 00:28:03,376 --> 00:28:04,987 the importance of regular exercise 602 00:28:05,030 --> 00:28:06,902 and sound nutritional choices. 603 00:28:06,945 --> 00:28:08,643 But they know all that stuff, Doctor. 604 00:28:08,686 --> 00:28:11,253 They're celebrities, not regular people. 605 00:28:11,298 --> 00:28:12,646 I don't know what... [CLEARS THROAT] 606 00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:13,821 What else I can tell you. 607 00:28:17,957 --> 00:28:20,046 Okay, you've been very helpful. 608 00:28:20,088 --> 00:28:21,742 Yeah, we'll get out of your way. 609 00:28:21,787 --> 00:28:23,788 They're on to us, you fool! 610 00:28:23,832 --> 00:28:26,138 No, stop! I won't look at you! 611 00:28:27,967 --> 00:28:31,057 Dr. Bentex, it's my chin, isn't it? 612 00:28:31,099 --> 00:28:32,711 You think it needs re-sculpting? 613 00:28:32,753 --> 00:28:36,714 [STAMMERING] What? No, it looks fine. 614 00:28:36,758 --> 00:28:38,846 Doc, do you do eyeball bleaching? 615 00:28:38,891 --> 00:28:40,282 Let me handle them! 616 00:28:40,326 --> 00:28:42,285 No, I won't! 617 00:28:42,328 --> 00:28:44,983 Okay, what about ball waxing? Nipple reduction? 618 00:28:45,593 --> 00:28:48,943 Release me! 619 00:28:48,988 --> 00:28:50,031 Taint rejuvenation? 620 00:28:50,076 --> 00:28:51,424 Nostril removal? 621 00:28:51,468 --> 00:28:53,122 Armpit extensions? Kneecap lifts? 622 00:28:53,165 --> 00:28:54,297 Eyelash rejuvenation? 623 00:28:54,340 --> 00:28:55,429 Belly button reversal? 624 00:28:55,471 --> 00:28:56,778 Earlobe extensions? 625 00:28:56,822 --> 00:28:57,997 Placenta implantation? 626 00:28:58,039 --> 00:28:59,127 Belly button removal? 627 00:28:59,172 --> 00:29:00,346 Earlobe-ectomy? 628 00:29:00,390 --> 00:29:01,478 Circumcision removal? 629 00:29:01,521 --> 00:29:02,784 Butthole enhancement? 630 00:29:02,827 --> 00:29:04,699 Forehead tucks? Urethra tightening? 631 00:29:04,742 --> 00:29:05,787 Urethra loosening? 632 00:29:05,830 --> 00:29:06,832 Just leave me alone! 633 00:29:09,137 --> 00:29:10,400 [LAUGHING MANIACALLY] 634 00:29:12,445 --> 00:29:15,057 Is that equine Botox? I've been trying to get my hands on that. 635 00:29:15,101 --> 00:29:17,406 You mean, your hooves. 636 00:29:17,451 --> 00:29:19,670 How long have you thought that? 637 00:29:19,713 --> 00:29:23,935 Sorry, gentlemen, but the office is now closed. 638 00:29:23,979 --> 00:29:26,765 Okay, then could we get a forehead shot for the road, or... 639 00:29:26,807 --> 00:29:28,635 Hey! You look different. 640 00:29:28,679 --> 00:29:30,769 You have some work done, Dr. Bentex? 641 00:29:30,811 --> 00:29:35,034 Bentex? He's more wrinkled than a turtle scrotum. I am... 642 00:29:35,076 --> 00:29:37,557 [SHOUTING] Dr. Botoxo! 643 00:29:44,433 --> 00:29:46,609 Dude, equine Botox is intense. 644 00:29:47,654 --> 00:29:49,569 You'll never stop me, you ugly freaks! 645 00:29:51,484 --> 00:29:52,790 Norwegian Fjord! 646 00:30:03,976 --> 00:30:07,240 You're insane, Botoxo! How could you think we're ugly? 647 00:30:14,334 --> 00:30:15,422 [SCREAMING] 648 00:30:18,207 --> 00:30:19,338 Zoo! 649 00:30:20,775 --> 00:30:22,211 Stone Phillips! 650 00:30:24,997 --> 00:30:28,304 Listen? No, you listen. Are you listening to me? 651 00:30:28,347 --> 00:30:31,699 [ALARM BLARING] [STAMMERING] Wait. Jared, say that again, 652 00:30:31,741 --> 00:30:33,353 there's some kind of superhero battle going on. 653 00:30:33,395 --> 00:30:34,528 What is going on? 654 00:30:38,575 --> 00:30:39,402 [WHIMPERS] 655 00:30:49,891 --> 00:30:50,718 [SCREAMS] 656 00:30:59,944 --> 00:31:00,858 [GASPS] [GASPS] 657 00:31:07,734 --> 00:31:08,953 Hashtag Zoolander! 658 00:31:10,780 --> 00:31:11,869 [YELLS] 659 00:31:15,655 --> 00:31:17,962 [THUD] 660 00:31:18,006 --> 00:31:21,836 You're a disgrace to the noble profession of plastic surgery. 661 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,577 I'm starting to think it was you who fattened up the hotties. 662 00:31:24,621 --> 00:31:27,885 You're... You're only realizing that now? 663 00:31:27,929 --> 00:31:30,192 Got him, got him, that was a confession, that counts. 664 00:31:30,236 --> 00:31:32,325 Now tell us how you did it. 665 00:31:32,367 --> 00:31:34,631 Even better, I'll show you! 666 00:31:37,765 --> 00:31:42,248 Clothes getting tight! And not in a hipster way. 667 00:31:48,557 --> 00:31:51,257 No. No! [CACKLING 668 00:31:51,299 --> 00:31:53,301 Come on, we have to stop him! 669 00:31:57,785 --> 00:32:00,875 Please, small child, help me! I won't eat you. 670 00:32:00,919 --> 00:32:01,832 [SCREAMS] 671 00:32:03,398 --> 00:32:05,488 NARRATOR: Derek and Hansel turned zaftig? 672 00:32:05,531 --> 00:32:07,663 Could anything be more embarrassing? 673 00:32:07,708 --> 00:32:10,405 Now who will save America's fabulous femmes? 674 00:32:10,450 --> 00:32:13,234 Please don't let this be the end! It's not? Oh, good. 675 00:32:21,590 --> 00:32:23,070 They're all so beautiful. 676 00:32:24,637 --> 00:32:26,291 Hi, Suzie! [YELLS] 677 00:32:26,335 --> 00:32:28,816 It's me, Derek Zoolander. 678 00:32:28,858 --> 00:32:31,775 I know who you are. How did you get into my house? 679 00:32:31,818 --> 00:32:34,473 It looks like someone needs to improve her self-esteem 680 00:32:34,517 --> 00:32:36,779 so she can be happy with herself. 681 00:32:36,824 --> 00:32:38,478 And the best way to be happy with yourself 682 00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:40,045 is through plastic surgery. 683 00:32:40,393 --> 00:32:41,828 What? 684 00:32:41,872 --> 00:32:43,830 If you start saving your allowance, 685 00:32:43,874 --> 00:32:46,094 you could afford a nose job by the time you're 12. Look! 686 00:32:49,141 --> 00:32:53,492 And how about a face peel? Tummy tuck? Brow de-browing. 687 00:32:53,536 --> 00:32:56,844 Dimplantation. Boob enlargification. Tushy lift. 688 00:32:58,411 --> 00:33:01,021 Once you look beautiful, you'll feel beautiful. 689 00:33:01,066 --> 00:33:03,285 Just ask my beautiful friend Leighton Meester. 690 00:33:04,939 --> 00:33:08,073 Derek, I thought we were here to talk about self-esteem. 691 00:33:08,115 --> 00:33:10,465 Children getting plastic surgery is not cool. 692 00:33:10,509 --> 00:33:14,078 Oh, seriously? You don't think this girl needs plastic surgery? 693 00:33:14,122 --> 00:33:17,430 She's clearly already had plastic surgery. 694 00:33:17,472 --> 00:33:19,300 And now she needs dimple extraction, 695 00:33:19,345 --> 00:33:21,259 boob un-bigging and a tushy drop. 696 00:33:21,303 --> 00:33:23,435 So, we agree? 697 00:33:23,479 --> 00:33:24,959 Yes. That you are wrong. 698 00:33:25,654 --> 00:33:26,787 [SPEAKING GIBBERISH] 699 00:33:27,875 --> 00:33:29,571 Exactly, Suzie. 700 00:33:29,615 --> 00:33:31,965 Some people need plastic surgery of the brain. 701 00:33:34,490 --> 00:33:37,492 So remember, get a checkup from your family plastic surgeon. 702 00:33:37,537 --> 00:33:40,583 And that's Model Behavior. 703 00:33:40,626 --> 00:33:41,976 Wait a second, I don't condone that at all, that's... 704 00:33:47,676 --> 00:33:50,332 NARRATOR: Derek Zoolander, the biggest model in the fashion universe, 705 00:33:50,375 --> 00:33:53,682 is now the biggest model in the fashion universe. 706 00:33:53,727 --> 00:33:57,730 He and Hansel are blubbery victims of Dr. Botoxo's fat ray. 707 00:33:57,773 --> 00:34:00,516 Good Lord, what would happen if I became obese? 708 00:34:00,559 --> 00:34:02,823 Don't think about it, Tim, don't think about it, don't think about it. 709 00:34:04,912 --> 00:34:06,218 [GRUNTING] 710 00:34:07,871 --> 00:34:08,829 [BLOWING] 711 00:34:16,445 --> 00:34:19,840 [GROANS] This weight is gunking up my chakras. 712 00:34:19,882 --> 00:34:20,884 [GRUNTS] 713 00:34:23,103 --> 00:34:27,326 Octavia! You spent the night? Right on. 714 00:34:27,369 --> 00:34:30,851 'Tave? 'Tavy? Derek, what are we going to do? 715 00:34:30,893 --> 00:34:32,940 I'm so fat, it's like I have my own area code. 716 00:34:32,983 --> 00:34:35,028 I'm so fat, if I stood on a scale, 717 00:34:35,072 --> 00:34:37,335 it would say, "To be continued." 718 00:34:37,378 --> 00:34:41,079 Dude, I'm so fat, I have more rolls than a pastry truck. 719 00:34:41,121 --> 00:34:43,951 Look at me. I'm so fat, I have more chins than a phonebook 720 00:34:43,994 --> 00:34:45,822 for a neighborhood like Chinatown 721 00:34:45,865 --> 00:34:48,434 that's home to a lot of people with the last name "Chin." 722 00:34:48,476 --> 00:34:51,088 You guys wanted a makeover? 723 00:34:51,132 --> 00:34:54,135 I don't know what I'm going to make over. Your big fat bodies? 724 00:34:54,179 --> 00:34:56,355 Yeah, something fresh and fun. 725 00:34:56,398 --> 00:34:59,487 To take the attention off the morbid obesity of it all. 726 00:34:59,532 --> 00:35:01,795 Honestly, you don't look... 727 00:35:01,838 --> 00:35:03,231 That bad... You know, just... 728 00:35:04,536 --> 00:35:06,713 Initiate vomit sequence. 729 00:35:10,063 --> 00:35:11,239 Sorry, that was an over... 730 00:35:14,112 --> 00:35:14,851 ...reaction. 731 00:35:20,204 --> 00:35:21,293 [POP MUSIC PLAYING] 732 00:35:39,179 --> 00:35:41,139 There's Hansel. He's so fat right now. 733 00:35:41,181 --> 00:35:42,313 Didn't that used to be Derek Zoolander? 734 00:35:44,315 --> 00:35:45,230 [TIRES SCREECH] [CRASHING] 735 00:36:09,862 --> 00:36:12,257 Mila! Mila, over here. 736 00:36:12,300 --> 00:36:14,824 What do you think about Rachel Bilson getting fat? 737 00:36:14,867 --> 00:36:17,000 I can't let Mila Kunis see me like this. 738 00:36:17,043 --> 00:36:18,784 She'll never orgy with me again! 739 00:36:21,657 --> 00:36:22,918 Dr. Botoxo! 740 00:36:26,226 --> 00:36:27,184 [BOTH PANTING] 741 00:36:31,710 --> 00:36:32,929 [LAUGHING] 742 00:36:35,628 --> 00:36:37,195 Derek, Hansel! 743 00:36:37,237 --> 00:36:39,458 What do you think about Mila Kunis getting fat? 744 00:36:39,501 --> 00:36:41,416 What do you think about you getting fat? 745 00:36:41,460 --> 00:36:44,027 Fat, fat, fat! [LAUGHS] 746 00:36:44,070 --> 00:36:47,378 Jackals! You're monsters! Fabrizio, how's the new baby? 747 00:36:47,422 --> 00:36:48,161 Leave us alone! 748 00:36:50,469 --> 00:36:51,469 [ENGINE REVVING] 749 00:36:58,389 --> 00:37:01,914 Look, it's not that bad. No publicity is bad publicity. 750 00:37:01,958 --> 00:37:03,612 I beg to differ Maury Ballstein. 751 00:37:06,353 --> 00:37:08,661 There was no pizza floating in the air. 752 00:37:08,704 --> 00:37:11,271 I definitely would've remembered pizza in the air. 753 00:37:11,315 --> 00:37:14,884 Okay, I booked some work to show people you can still move product. 754 00:37:14,927 --> 00:37:17,539 We're going to turn this thing around like it's a tranny hooker! 755 00:37:17,583 --> 00:37:20,976 I knew Balls Models wouldn't let us down. What have you lined up? 756 00:37:21,021 --> 00:37:24,545 You two are the new poster butts for Chunky Boy Sweatpants. 757 00:37:24,590 --> 00:37:27,157 And local news needs more stock footage 758 00:37:27,201 --> 00:37:28,507 of fat people from the neck down. 759 00:37:30,682 --> 00:37:33,686 WOMAN: Grim statistics tonight on diabetes. Are you at risk? Yes. 760 00:37:35,034 --> 00:37:38,733 They wouldn't even show our fat faces? 761 00:37:38,777 --> 00:37:40,909 And we're at risk of diamond-beanies. 762 00:37:41,302 --> 00:37:42,389 Derek! 763 00:37:42,434 --> 00:37:43,913 Matilda! 764 00:37:43,956 --> 00:37:45,567 I knew you of all people wouldn't judge me. 765 00:37:45,610 --> 00:37:47,351 No, of course not. 766 00:37:47,873 --> 00:37:48,875 [SNIFFS] 767 00:37:49,918 --> 00:37:51,572 Is that hot dog water? 768 00:37:51,617 --> 00:37:52,965 Where? Do you have more hot dogs? 769 00:37:53,009 --> 00:37:55,315 I'll take a hot dog. 770 00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:59,320 Oh, Matilda, this is literally the worst thing that could happen to us 771 00:37:59,364 --> 00:38:00,755 or to the millions who look to us for 772 00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:02,322 moral guidance and grooming tips. 773 00:38:02,367 --> 00:38:03,976 Okay, first of all, being overweight 774 00:38:04,019 --> 00:38:05,282 is not the worst thing in the world. 775 00:38:05,326 --> 00:38:06,893 I was once fat. 776 00:38:06,936 --> 00:38:09,635 Ew! We agreed you'd never talk about that. 777 00:38:09,677 --> 00:38:11,853 Second, having a few overweight celebrities 778 00:38:11,898 --> 00:38:13,987 might be a positive. 779 00:38:14,030 --> 00:38:17,730 For years, we've been fed media images of impossibly skinny models. 780 00:38:17,773 --> 00:38:20,907 Maybe now, women won't feel as much pressure to starve themselves. 781 00:38:20,949 --> 00:38:22,342 [CHUCKLES] 782 00:38:22,387 --> 00:38:25,041 Awesome joke, Matilda. But let's focus. 783 00:38:25,085 --> 00:38:26,128 [SCREECHES] 784 00:38:28,306 --> 00:38:30,045 What is it, Accessory? Do you need to make poo poo? 785 00:38:32,570 --> 00:38:33,920 [ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC PLAYING] 786 00:38:41,579 --> 00:38:45,931 Oh, no. Matilda's right. Women are emulating these obese celebrities. 787 00:38:45,974 --> 00:38:47,976 This could trigger a fat epidemic 788 00:38:48,021 --> 00:38:50,239 the likes of which we haven't seen since the Cola Wars. 789 00:38:50,284 --> 00:38:52,634 Or the Cuban pudding crisis. Hansel? 790 00:38:54,679 --> 00:38:57,596 Sorry, there's an episode of Unwrapped on Hostess Fruit Pies. 791 00:38:57,639 --> 00:39:00,119 Apple's the most popular. Who knew? 792 00:39:00,163 --> 00:39:03,601 But wait, why would Dr. Botoxo want women to gain weight? 793 00:39:03,644 --> 00:39:05,952 Plastic surgeons make women thinner. What's in it for him? 794 00:39:11,173 --> 00:39:12,349 Nani? 795 00:39:17,833 --> 00:39:19,965 Mmm. Could use a tuck here. 796 00:39:22,447 --> 00:39:24,231 Ooh! Now who's gorgeous? 797 00:39:30,454 --> 00:39:32,369 Ugh! Botoxo, you're gross. 798 00:39:35,764 --> 00:39:37,331 How are the fat boys? 799 00:39:40,289 --> 00:39:41,422 [BOTH LAUGHING MANIACALLY] 800 00:39:43,119 --> 00:39:44,686 They used to be like... 801 00:39:44,730 --> 00:39:46,471 [WHIMPERING] 802 00:39:46,514 --> 00:39:47,427 Now they're more like... 803 00:39:47,472 --> 00:39:48,864 [GROWLING] 804 00:39:49,822 --> 00:39:52,432 Nani? Put on your coat, honey. 805 00:39:52,476 --> 00:39:55,175 Don't want you catching cold in your drafty play lair. 806 00:39:55,217 --> 00:39:58,438 Dad! It's not a "play" lair. It's just a lair. 807 00:39:58,483 --> 00:39:59,744 And do you think I'd wear this? 808 00:39:59,788 --> 00:40:01,355 It looks like Badgley Mischka on Adderall! 809 00:40:01,746 --> 00:40:02,791 [SCREAMS] 810 00:40:03,661 --> 00:40:05,619 I only wear my own dresses! 811 00:40:05,664 --> 00:40:07,360 Or Rodarte! 812 00:40:07,405 --> 00:40:08,971 Oh, I thought you'd like the panda. 813 00:40:09,014 --> 00:40:10,103 Did you see the panda on it? 814 00:40:10,146 --> 00:40:12,322 You're an idiot, Dad. 815 00:40:12,365 --> 00:40:14,934 And you dress like a greeter at Sam's Club who got fired by Walmart 816 00:40:14,976 --> 00:40:17,023 for dressing like a dipshit. 817 00:40:17,065 --> 00:40:19,938 Khaki pleats? Are you kidding me? Seriously! 818 00:40:19,981 --> 00:40:22,420 Are you kidding me right now? 819 00:40:22,463 --> 00:40:25,771 You know, if it fits okay and the price is right, what more do I need? 820 00:40:25,813 --> 00:40:28,686 Anyway, you two talk about the final phase of your evil plan. 821 00:40:28,730 --> 00:40:30,905 I'll just sew this back together and return it to the mall. 822 00:40:30,949 --> 00:40:33,126 Ugh. Dads are the worst. 823 00:40:33,168 --> 00:40:35,257 I actually have a good relationship with mine. 824 00:40:37,304 --> 00:40:40,960 NARRATOR: What is Nani's ultimate plan? Can fat Zoolander stop her? 825 00:40:41,003 --> 00:40:43,483 And why does she have to be so hard on her dad? 826 00:40:43,527 --> 00:40:46,181 I mean, I don't have kids myself... That I know of! 827 00:40:51,536 --> 00:40:53,972 My own computer! So cool! 828 00:40:55,713 --> 00:40:58,934 Look out, Jeremy! 829 00:40:58,978 --> 00:41:01,762 I just saved you from catching a virus. You're welcome. 830 00:41:01,806 --> 00:41:03,590 My parents just bought me that. 831 00:41:03,635 --> 00:41:05,898 Are your parents evil monsters? 832 00:41:05,940 --> 00:41:08,465 Because computers are the most dangerous danger in your house. 833 00:41:08,509 --> 00:41:10,032 Let me show you how stupid your parents are. 834 00:41:12,382 --> 00:41:14,907 Frankie, access the wide world of web. 835 00:41:14,949 --> 00:41:17,952 Okay, but the Wi-Fi in here is really just a big bag of "ugh." 836 00:41:20,652 --> 00:41:24,612 Jeremy, rule number one. Never Internet on socialized media. 837 00:41:24,655 --> 00:41:26,440 Because my privacy will be compromised 838 00:41:26,483 --> 00:41:28,485 by unscrupulous marketers? 839 00:41:28,528 --> 00:41:31,880 No, because you'll see photos of parties you weren't invited to. 840 00:41:31,923 --> 00:41:35,101 Turn it off, they're having so much fun without me! 841 00:41:35,143 --> 00:41:37,755 You think that's bad, you should see the animated GIF 842 00:41:37,798 --> 00:41:40,846 of Taylor Swift trying on fake glasses. 843 00:41:40,889 --> 00:41:43,369 But computers' even worse problem is this. 844 00:41:43,413 --> 00:41:45,938 Cats. Trapped inside. And they look hungry. 845 00:41:48,331 --> 00:41:49,114 [YOWLS] 846 00:41:49,985 --> 00:41:51,813 Gosh, Derek Zoolander. 847 00:41:51,856 --> 00:41:54,250 And I thought the worst thing about computers was all the trolls. 848 00:41:54,293 --> 00:41:56,121 [YELLS] Trolls! Where? 849 00:41:57,471 --> 00:41:59,733 And finally, but last, 850 00:41:59,777 --> 00:42:02,170 the most important computer safety rule of all. 851 00:42:02,215 --> 00:42:05,347 Don't watch tiny cartoons based on regular-sized movies. 852 00:42:05,391 --> 00:42:07,262 You have much better things to do with your time. 853 00:42:11,615 --> 00:42:13,574 Who are you looking at? 854 00:42:13,617 --> 00:42:15,184 And that's Model Behavior. 855 00:42:20,625 --> 00:42:23,322 NARRATOR: Nani, the dastardly damsel of design, 856 00:42:23,365 --> 00:42:26,195 number one on Vogue's "Top 12 Couturiers Under 12," 857 00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:28,588 is the fiend behind the fat! 858 00:42:28,632 --> 00:42:30,635 But why turn the world's most glamorous celebrities 859 00:42:30,677 --> 00:42:32,201 into pudgy piggies? 860 00:42:32,244 --> 00:42:33,942 If I ever stop talking, maybe we'll find out. 861 00:42:36,641 --> 00:42:39,251 That's it, fatten up, just like your idols. 862 00:42:39,295 --> 00:42:41,559 Soon you'll only be able to wear my new clothing line. 863 00:42:41,601 --> 00:42:43,603 Size Triple Extra Mega Large! 864 00:42:48,434 --> 00:42:51,612 Three times the material, four times the price! 865 00:42:51,655 --> 00:42:54,614 It's the most awesome fashion crime since Juicy made it cool 866 00:42:54,659 --> 00:42:55,833 to have a word on your butt. 867 00:42:55,876 --> 00:42:57,965 [CHUCKLES] Butt. 868 00:42:58,010 --> 00:43:01,360 Just tell me who I get to inflate next. Jessicas Alba and Biel? 869 00:43:01,403 --> 00:43:03,188 Kates Hudson and Bosworth? 870 00:43:03,231 --> 00:43:04,842 Jones January and Cusack? 871 00:43:06,105 --> 00:43:07,759 Speaking of inflated... 872 00:43:11,675 --> 00:43:13,721 Oops. My apologies. 873 00:43:13,764 --> 00:43:16,681 Oh, you don't have to apologize. Dad! 874 00:43:16,724 --> 00:43:19,900 You apologize to Dr. Botoxo right now! 875 00:43:19,945 --> 00:43:23,688 Okay. Uh, I'm sorry that I got your cellulite on my face. 876 00:43:25,559 --> 00:43:28,257 Leave it on, Dad! You leave that man's fat on your face. 877 00:43:28,996 --> 00:43:30,389 [GROANS] 878 00:43:31,478 --> 00:43:33,349 Sure thing, sweetie. 879 00:43:33,393 --> 00:43:36,525 Doctor B, our next target is the bestest one yet. 880 00:43:36,570 --> 00:43:38,920 The leading light of fashion. 881 00:43:38,963 --> 00:43:41,574 Once she's ginormous, millions of women will be like... 882 00:43:41,619 --> 00:43:42,750 [MIMICS CHOMPING] 883 00:43:44,838 --> 00:43:48,494 Tonight, at the No More Tubby Toddlers fundraiser, you will obesify 884 00:43:50,715 --> 00:43:52,063 Heidi Klum. 885 00:43:56,068 --> 00:43:57,547 [RINGING] 886 00:43:58,722 --> 00:43:59,811 [GROANS] 887 00:44:04,076 --> 00:44:04,989 [DOORBELL CHIMES] 888 00:44:05,032 --> 00:44:06,382 Pizza! 889 00:44:10,952 --> 00:44:12,998 Hi. You order 20 pizzas? 890 00:44:13,041 --> 00:44:15,827 And 8,000 breadsticks. 891 00:44:15,869 --> 00:44:19,221 They're backing up the truck now. Yeah, so, it's, like, done. 892 00:44:20,570 --> 00:44:22,181 [GASPS] 893 00:44:22,224 --> 00:44:25,923 Hansel! It's Accessory! He's infiltrated Nani's lair. 894 00:44:25,967 --> 00:44:27,795 It says, "Tonight at fumdraiser..." 895 00:44:28,708 --> 00:44:32,103 [SCOFFS] "Fundraiser." 896 00:44:32,146 --> 00:44:34,541 Honestly, what is the point of having a monkey who can't type? 897 00:44:34,583 --> 00:44:37,021 "Target is Heidi Klum." 898 00:44:37,065 --> 00:44:39,851 [GASPS] Heidi is the leading light of fashion. 899 00:44:39,893 --> 00:44:42,070 Nani's scheme is even more horrific than we thought. 900 00:44:42,114 --> 00:44:42,983 We have to do something. 901 00:44:43,942 --> 00:44:45,813 "We"? We can barely stand up. 902 00:44:46,596 --> 00:44:48,119 This is our duty. 903 00:44:48,163 --> 00:44:50,688 With great cheekbones comes great responsibility. 904 00:44:50,731 --> 00:44:52,820 Every schoolchild knows that. 905 00:44:52,864 --> 00:44:56,693 Earth to Derek, our cheekbones, they're gone. 906 00:44:56,737 --> 00:44:59,958 Buried. And I think I'm starting to get acne. 907 00:45:00,001 --> 00:45:02,134 It's like backne for your face. 908 00:45:02,177 --> 00:45:04,005 I can't go out in front of people like this, Z. 909 00:45:04,048 --> 00:45:05,353 I won't. I won't. 910 00:45:05,398 --> 00:45:06,878 It's too painful. 911 00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:09,358 So you're going to stay here and eat pizza all day? 912 00:45:09,402 --> 00:45:11,882 Of course not. I'm also going to have a hamburger. 913 00:45:11,925 --> 00:45:13,666 You mean, soyburger. 914 00:45:13,710 --> 00:45:17,583 No, Derek. A hamburger. Made out of real ham. 915 00:45:17,626 --> 00:45:22,023 [GASPS] Look at you. You've given up on everything you hold sacred. 916 00:45:22,067 --> 00:45:24,547 Everything that makes Hansel Hansel. 917 00:45:24,590 --> 00:45:26,592 I'm sorry, but I'm a model. 918 00:45:26,635 --> 00:45:29,335 If I'm not dangerously thin anymore, then I'm nothing. 919 00:45:30,248 --> 00:45:31,684 [CHAIR BEEPING] 920 00:45:50,181 --> 00:45:52,271 It's wonderful to have such an esteemed designer 921 00:45:52,313 --> 00:45:54,708 supporting our anti-obesity efforts. 922 00:45:54,751 --> 00:45:57,231 I guess you know what it's like to be a kid yourself. 923 00:45:57,275 --> 00:46:00,148 First of all, I'm 126 months old. 924 00:46:00,192 --> 00:46:03,324 And second, I think it's important to stay fit. 925 00:46:03,369 --> 00:46:05,284 Even a model like you must struggle with your weight. 926 00:46:05,327 --> 00:46:07,460 Oh, no, I'm naturally thin. 927 00:46:07,503 --> 00:46:09,896 Oh. [CHUCKLES] We'll see about that. 928 00:46:10,418 --> 00:46:11,637 Excuse me? 929 00:46:11,681 --> 00:46:14,293 I said, "We'll see about that." 930 00:46:14,335 --> 00:46:16,034 Because I'm not sure that will always be the case. 931 00:46:18,775 --> 00:46:22,300 What I mean is, I'm not convinced that you will be thin forever. 932 00:46:22,344 --> 00:46:23,302 Something might happen to you. 933 00:46:25,869 --> 00:46:27,306 Uh, I have to give my speech now. 934 00:46:27,871 --> 00:46:29,090 [ALL APPLAUDING] 935 00:46:31,135 --> 00:46:34,835 Thank you, you are so kind. Rich ladies and gentlemen, 936 00:46:34,878 --> 00:46:36,836 tonight we have a chance to do something good 937 00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:39,318 about a thing that is bad. 938 00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:42,364 Your support of No More Tubby Toddlers tells childhood obesity 939 00:46:42,407 --> 00:46:44,235 that it can hit the road! 940 00:46:44,278 --> 00:46:46,760 We want to say, "Goodbye, childhood obesity. 941 00:46:46,804 --> 00:46:48,849 "You dropped by, and you crashed with us for a while, 942 00:46:48,893 --> 00:46:50,329 "but it's, like, enough already..." 943 00:46:50,371 --> 00:46:51,634 [HEART BEATING SLOWLY] 944 00:47:07,998 --> 00:47:09,130 [WAITER WHISTLING] 945 00:47:11,916 --> 00:47:13,918 No! 946 00:47:18,096 --> 00:47:19,400 [ALL GASPING] 947 00:47:19,445 --> 00:47:21,141 Zoolander! 948 00:47:21,186 --> 00:47:24,623 Nani. And to think I once modeled your clothes. 949 00:47:24,666 --> 00:47:26,452 How could a little boy be so heartless? 950 00:47:26,494 --> 00:47:29,106 I'm a girl! 951 00:47:29,150 --> 00:47:31,195 You're certainly acting like one. 952 00:47:31,239 --> 00:47:34,068 It's too late. Not even you can stop 953 00:47:34,112 --> 00:47:36,809 the obesification of Heidi Klum. Henchmen! 954 00:47:39,117 --> 00:47:41,119 Squeeze him like a blueberry. 955 00:47:41,161 --> 00:47:43,990 More like a Blue-Steel-Berry. 956 00:47:44,034 --> 00:47:45,253 [GRUNTING] 957 00:47:47,255 --> 00:47:50,563 Oh, no! My face is too fat! My looks don't work. 958 00:47:51,302 --> 00:47:52,913 Hansel was right. 959 00:47:52,956 --> 00:47:54,219 Hansel was wrong! 960 00:48:01,878 --> 00:48:03,706 You came! 961 00:48:03,750 --> 00:48:06,666 I may be depressed, ashamed, and covered in face backne. 962 00:48:06,708 --> 00:48:08,449 But I couldn't fit the couch into my bedroom. So... 963 00:48:10,364 --> 00:48:12,846 Hansel, let's never argue again. 964 00:48:12,889 --> 00:48:14,195 Unless we disagree on something 965 00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:15,762 or have a difference of opinion. 966 00:48:15,804 --> 00:48:17,806 That leaves it pretty wide open, doesn't it? 967 00:48:17,851 --> 00:48:20,201 Hey! I make the rules on when we get to argue! 968 00:48:20,244 --> 00:48:22,463 What? Says who? 969 00:48:22,507 --> 00:48:24,335 You guys are so over! 970 00:48:28,992 --> 00:48:32,518 Oh, no! It's speeding up our metabocalysms! 971 00:48:32,561 --> 00:48:36,391 I guess this is it. Vaya con Dios,DZ. 972 00:48:36,434 --> 00:48:39,742 I know we fought a lot, but... Are those bacon-wrapped dates? 973 00:48:39,786 --> 00:48:41,005 Oh, score. 974 00:48:46,532 --> 00:48:47,315 [SQUEALS] 975 00:48:55,628 --> 00:48:57,978 We're alive! And we're really, really 976 00:48:58,021 --> 00:49:00,153 ridiculously good-looking again. 977 00:49:00,197 --> 00:49:03,070 Stupid chimp! Why must you be so cute? 978 00:49:05,463 --> 00:49:06,813 Magnetic North! 979 00:49:12,905 --> 00:49:17,128 Dr. Botoxo won't be terrorizing anyone again. 980 00:49:17,170 --> 00:49:20,086 Thank you, Mark Wahlberg. Oh, Hansel, how can I repay you? 981 00:49:21,523 --> 00:49:24,003 BOTH: Threesome. Gruppensex. 982 00:49:24,047 --> 00:49:26,963 Nani, you're triple extra mega caught. 983 00:49:30,576 --> 00:49:31,577 Nani? 984 00:49:32,925 --> 00:49:35,972 Nani? Where'd that little boy go? 985 00:49:41,500 --> 00:49:42,588 [SCREAMING] 986 00:49:44,197 --> 00:49:48,333 It's okay, pumpkin. Sometimes evil plans don't work out. 987 00:49:48,376 --> 00:49:51,989 Now who wants some of Daddy's double choco s'mores bars, huh? 988 00:49:52,032 --> 00:49:54,556 Who does? I think you do. Do I have a customer here? [LAUGHING] 989 00:49:55,079 --> 00:49:56,427 Let's do it. 990 00:49:56,471 --> 00:49:57,951 How does he not know I'm a girl? 991 00:49:59,387 --> 00:50:02,172 Get out! I'm sick of your stupid face. 992 00:50:02,215 --> 00:50:04,610 It's a stupid, stupid face, Dad. 993 00:50:05,349 --> 00:50:07,003 Yeah, no argument there. 994 00:50:08,831 --> 00:50:12,009 Now I'll never achieve global fashion domination. 995 00:50:12,052 --> 00:50:13,226 Or get my own phone. 996 00:50:20,364 --> 00:50:22,844 Dad? The ceiling's leaking blood again. 997 00:50:29,373 --> 00:50:30,679 [ROARS] 998 00:50:32,594 --> 00:50:34,422 Well, hello, kitty. 999 00:50:34,465 --> 00:50:36,119 [MEOWING] 1000 00:50:36,163 --> 00:50:38,469 We are going to be best friends. 1001 00:50:38,512 --> 00:50:39,731 [LAUGHS] 1002 00:50:46,130 --> 00:50:48,480 Earth to Jeremy, what was that all about? 1003 00:50:48,523 --> 00:50:50,568 I recycled my water bottle. 1004 00:50:50,612 --> 00:50:53,311 Why use a water bottle when you can carry a reusable thermos 1005 00:50:53,353 --> 00:50:54,485 and be better than everybody? 1006 00:50:58,097 --> 00:50:59,534 Thanks, Frankie. 1007 00:50:59,577 --> 00:51:00,840 No problem. Just give me, like, 1008 00:51:00,882 --> 00:51:02,581 five minutes and we can go again. 1009 00:51:02,623 --> 00:51:04,322 Come along, Jeremy, and I'll show you 1010 00:51:04,364 --> 00:51:05,974 other tricks to stop the environment. 1011 00:51:09,152 --> 00:51:11,590 Turning on your car uses up lots of energies. 1012 00:51:11,632 --> 00:51:14,157 That's why I keep mine running all day. 1013 00:51:14,201 --> 00:51:16,028 Hey, Accessory. Circle the block 1014 00:51:16,072 --> 00:51:17,682 a few times to keep the tires warm. 1015 00:51:17,726 --> 00:51:19,032 I'll only be another several hours. 1016 00:51:20,380 --> 00:51:22,818 You're welcome, trees! 1017 00:51:22,862 --> 00:51:25,994 Did you know your plasma TV also causes the environment? 1018 00:51:26,039 --> 00:51:27,735 That's why I only turn it on to watch 1019 00:51:27,780 --> 00:51:29,041 important things like the news. 1020 00:51:29,911 --> 00:51:31,739 I love 1996. 1021 00:51:31,784 --> 00:51:33,742 Dude, remember Tamagotchis? 1022 00:51:33,786 --> 00:51:36,048 A hot tub generates lots of hot, 1023 00:51:36,092 --> 00:51:37,963 and that's before people take off their bathing suits 1024 00:51:38,007 --> 00:51:40,226 to reveal their bathing suit areas. 1025 00:51:40,271 --> 00:51:42,577 You can harness that hotness to enwarmulate your house. 1026 00:51:42,621 --> 00:51:43,577 Come on, girls. 1027 00:51:45,188 --> 00:51:46,059 Whoa! 1028 00:51:46,798 --> 00:51:48,539 [SHRIEKS] 1029 00:51:48,583 --> 00:51:52,586 Flying in the Z Plane is super cool, but it's tough on Mama Earth. 1030 00:51:52,630 --> 00:51:54,197 Especially when we use it to go to the store. 1031 00:51:55,677 --> 00:51:57,025 [CAR ALARM BLARING] 1032 00:51:57,070 --> 00:52:00,117 Wait, this store doesn't sell thermoses. 1033 00:52:00,159 --> 00:52:02,293 Let's go to that great little thermos boutique in Ibiza. 1034 00:52:02,335 --> 00:52:04,295 Um, you can just let me off here. Oh! 1035 00:52:06,123 --> 00:52:09,255 And that's Model Behavior. 1036 00:52:10,387 --> 00:52:11,737 [COUGHS] 1037 00:52:17,612 --> 00:52:19,614 NARRATOR: Milan, Italy. According to Wikipedia, 1038 00:52:19,657 --> 00:52:22,400 it's the international capital of fashion. 1039 00:52:22,443 --> 00:52:27,405 Also according to Wikipedia, I'm 63 years old? Oh, please. 1040 00:52:27,447 --> 00:52:29,057 Danielle, how do I fix this? 1041 00:52:29,797 --> 00:52:30,929 [SPEAKING ITALIAN] 1042 00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:36,717 [SPEAKING ITALIAN] 1043 00:53:11,492 --> 00:53:12,623 [CHOKING] 1044 00:53:16,193 --> 00:53:18,847 Sweetie? Yeah, the Italian fella's dead. 1045 00:53:18,891 --> 00:53:22,068 I still don't understand why I had to dress up as a woman. 1046 00:53:22,110 --> 00:53:24,070 Okay, you're the boss! 1047 00:53:42,610 --> 00:53:44,655 How does it feel to be the stars of Fashion Week again 1048 00:53:44,699 --> 00:53:46,570 after your horrifying brush with obesity? 1049 00:53:46,614 --> 00:53:49,661 It feels pretty amazing, D'Jangelo. 1050 00:53:49,704 --> 00:53:51,880 Like when I went wind-cycling over the Andes 1051 00:53:51,923 --> 00:53:54,405 with Noam Chomsky and Earl Sweatshirt. 1052 00:53:54,447 --> 00:53:58,322 Or like the softness of your skin. Do you moisturize? 1053 00:53:58,364 --> 00:54:00,889 Just three times a day with pomegranate extract. 1054 00:54:00,932 --> 00:54:04,240 I would love to get some of that all over me, 1055 00:54:04,284 --> 00:54:07,373 and by "that," I mean your skin. 1056 00:54:07,418 --> 00:54:10,115 Yes, and we'd like to say to everyone watching this TV show... 1057 00:54:10,159 --> 00:54:11,813 Webcast. 1058 00:54:11,856 --> 00:54:14,119 Bless you. That after what we went through, 1059 00:54:14,163 --> 00:54:16,818 we have newfound respect for the morbidly obtuse. 1060 00:54:16,862 --> 00:54:19,298 Now if you'll excuse us, we have masseusseses waiting. 1061 00:54:23,389 --> 00:54:26,219 Oh, no. There's been another tailor murder. 1062 00:54:26,262 --> 00:54:30,440 Matilda? We don't talk about murder during our post-show cooldown. 1063 00:54:30,483 --> 00:54:32,530 Unless it's like, "Hansel, you totally 1064 00:54:32,572 --> 00:54:34,313 "murdered those flat-front capris." 1065 00:54:34,358 --> 00:54:35,967 Which I did. 1066 00:54:36,010 --> 00:54:38,405 Listen. All five victims were official tailors 1067 00:54:38,449 --> 00:54:40,059 for the leaders of their countries. 1068 00:54:40,101 --> 00:54:43,235 Brazil, France, China, England, now Italy. 1069 00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:46,108 This could be the biggest fashion conspiracy in history! 1070 00:54:46,152 --> 00:54:47,719 If I crack this story, I might get 1071 00:54:47,762 --> 00:54:49,329 snapped up by a real magazine again. 1072 00:54:49,373 --> 00:54:51,679 Like Men's Health for Women? 1073 00:54:51,722 --> 00:54:54,507 Derek, I need to go to Europe to investigate. Will you come with me? 1074 00:54:54,552 --> 00:54:57,902 Europe? Well, I have always wanted to see the Grand Canyon. 1075 00:54:57,945 --> 00:54:59,818 Hold it, he's not going anywhere. 1076 00:54:59,860 --> 00:55:01,385 It's the middle of Fashion Week, 1077 00:55:01,427 --> 00:55:03,561 and we need to replace all the revenue we lost 1078 00:55:03,603 --> 00:55:05,389 when these boychiks were bloated. 1079 00:55:05,431 --> 00:55:08,914 That's right, Matilda. I can't just put my career on hold. 1080 00:55:08,956 --> 00:55:12,221 Why is it always the man who has to sacrifice his ambitions? 1081 00:55:12,264 --> 00:55:14,833 Fine. Never mind. I'll bring you back a baguette from Paris. 1082 00:55:15,876 --> 00:55:18,097 You know I can't have carbs! 1083 00:55:18,139 --> 00:55:21,447 Forget about her. You're better off without that... Oof! 1084 00:55:21,492 --> 00:55:24,190 You're right, Maury, she is such an oof. 1085 00:55:24,233 --> 00:55:26,409 No, it's my kidney. It's got arthritis. 1086 00:55:27,976 --> 00:55:29,543 What's that? 1087 00:55:29,586 --> 00:55:31,065 Experimental meds from Mexico. 1088 00:55:31,110 --> 00:55:32,284 Dangerous and cheap. 1089 00:55:36,768 --> 00:55:39,510 These could choke a rhino. Biggest throat in the animal kingdom. 1090 00:55:42,425 --> 00:55:43,556 What is this? 1091 00:55:43,601 --> 00:55:45,994 Ah! That's my bronzer! 1092 00:55:46,038 --> 00:55:48,387 This cooldown is torquing into the ground, hard. 1093 00:55:48,431 --> 00:55:50,869 Worst cooldown ever. 1094 00:55:50,911 --> 00:55:53,088 Yeah, tell me about it. You want to get out of here? 1095 00:55:53,132 --> 00:55:55,829 Maybe we just go, like, change each other's oil? 1096 00:55:55,873 --> 00:55:58,789 It's just an idea. But, like, probably a really good one. 1097 00:55:58,833 --> 00:56:01,269 It says "Not for human consumption." 1098 00:56:01,313 --> 00:56:03,315 Maury, did you human-consumpt it? 1099 00:56:03,969 --> 00:56:05,012 [YELLING] 1100 00:56:15,284 --> 00:56:17,155 Oy vey! 1101 00:56:18,244 --> 00:56:20,463 Maury? Don't freak out, 1102 00:56:20,507 --> 00:56:22,117 but I think you might be allergic to something. 1103 00:56:23,248 --> 00:56:24,510 Oh! 1104 00:56:24,554 --> 00:56:27,340 Giant Ballstein! 1105 00:56:27,949 --> 00:56:28,733 [ROARING] 1106 00:56:31,996 --> 00:56:35,130 Kishka! Bubkes! Fakakt! 1107 00:56:35,173 --> 00:56:37,262 Are you okay? You came very close 1108 00:56:37,306 --> 00:56:39,744 to his ridiculously oversized genitals. 1109 00:56:39,786 --> 00:56:41,353 He's heading for Alberta Ferretti's fall collection! 1110 00:56:42,224 --> 00:56:43,704 Oy gevalt! 1111 00:56:43,748 --> 00:56:45,489 Gunther Geiger Grooming! 1112 00:56:49,188 --> 00:56:49,971 I got sponsored. 1113 00:56:55,367 --> 00:56:56,195 [ROARS] 1114 00:56:58,110 --> 00:56:59,110 It's gonna be okay, clothes! 1115 00:57:02,070 --> 00:57:03,202 Hey! 1116 00:57:04,856 --> 00:57:05,987 Hey! 1117 00:57:07,119 --> 00:57:09,730 Okay, Maury, this has to stop. 1118 00:57:09,773 --> 00:57:12,429 You're supposed to represent models, not kill them, remember? 1119 00:57:16,432 --> 00:57:18,913 They're like cantaloupes with afros! 1120 00:57:18,956 --> 00:57:21,088 This is D'Jangelo reporting live 1121 00:57:21,132 --> 00:57:23,483 from the Giant Ballstein attack at Fashion Week. 1122 00:57:23,527 --> 00:57:25,179 Well, it's not actually live, it's a webcast, 1123 00:57:25,224 --> 00:57:26,443 we upload it later. 1124 00:57:26,485 --> 00:57:28,313 God, I wish I was on regular TV. 1125 00:57:28,356 --> 00:57:31,490 Can someone please give this online series a TV deal? 1126 00:57:31,534 --> 00:57:32,536 [YELLING] [SCREAMS] 1127 00:57:34,275 --> 00:57:37,192 D'Jangelo! I'm coming, d'jon't panic! 1128 00:57:37,931 --> 00:57:38,802 [D'JANGELO SCREAMING] 1129 00:57:44,635 --> 00:57:46,505 Don't hit the girl! 1130 00:57:46,550 --> 00:57:48,507 What about the well-endowed giant with the back hair? 1131 00:57:48,552 --> 00:57:49,813 Fire at will. 1132 00:57:51,076 --> 00:57:52,556 Static Cling! 1133 00:57:57,081 --> 00:57:59,387 Sorry, but he's our agent. 1134 00:57:59,431 --> 00:58:01,695 Our lifeline to free eye de-puffering products. 1135 00:58:01,739 --> 00:58:03,001 You understand. 1136 00:58:04,436 --> 00:58:06,570 Maury, put her down! 1137 00:58:06,612 --> 00:58:08,396 She's too hip and multiracial to die. 1138 00:58:13,489 --> 00:58:14,402 [LAUGHS] 1139 00:58:15,099 --> 00:58:16,101 These are his pills. 1140 00:58:17,755 --> 00:58:20,583 "Deoxy, maltose." 1141 00:58:21,322 --> 00:58:23,021 [STUTTERING] 1142 00:58:28,460 --> 00:58:29,505 "Drink with milk"! 1143 00:58:32,291 --> 00:58:34,335 Lyrical Beauty of a Terrence Malick Film! 1144 00:58:38,601 --> 00:58:39,820 Help! 1145 00:58:41,342 --> 00:58:43,389 Hansel! Slash and splash! 1146 00:58:50,788 --> 00:58:51,614 [GROANING] 1147 00:58:56,619 --> 00:58:59,405 I don't remember taking a shvitz. 1148 00:58:59,447 --> 00:59:02,364 [GRUNTS] Hey, caramel. Mocha? Caramel. 1149 00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:06,324 Oh, God, his enormous balls grazed you, didn't they? 1150 00:59:07,195 --> 00:59:10,068 So much texture. 1151 00:59:14,637 --> 00:59:17,902 Yes, it is awful what happened to the President's tailor, 1152 00:59:17,945 --> 00:59:20,818 but it will not affect Monsieur President at all. 1153 00:59:20,860 --> 00:59:23,342 I assure you, he will have enough clothes 1154 00:59:23,385 --> 00:59:25,952 for tomorrow's Global Economic Summit. 1155 00:59:25,996 --> 00:59:27,302 [LAUGHS] 1156 00:59:28,521 --> 00:59:30,217 Did Henri have any enemies? 1157 00:59:30,262 --> 00:59:33,525 He was a tailor, not Juliette Binoche. 1158 00:59:33,570 --> 00:59:36,181 I suppose you could ask his replacement. 1159 00:59:36,224 --> 00:59:37,704 His replacement? 1160 00:59:37,748 --> 00:59:39,487 There he is now. 1161 00:59:39,532 --> 00:59:42,534 The French President's new wardrobe consultant. 1162 00:59:42,579 --> 00:59:44,188 Nani's dad! 1163 00:59:44,231 --> 00:59:47,148 Oh, hey, Matilda Jeffries! Great to see you! 1164 00:59:49,106 --> 00:59:50,543 Oh, no. 1165 00:59:52,849 --> 00:59:54,981 I was filled with such rage. 1166 00:59:55,025 --> 00:59:56,853 The last time I was that angry 1167 00:59:56,896 --> 00:59:59,596 was when Katz's phased out the lamb tongue. 1168 00:59:59,639 --> 01:00:01,728 Where's a guy gotta go to get a slab of tongue 1169 01:00:01,771 --> 01:00:04,121 with a side of floymn tzimes? 1170 01:00:04,164 --> 01:00:06,036 You know, you did kill a model. 1171 01:00:06,079 --> 01:00:07,646 We should probably deal with that. [CELL PHONE RINGS] 1172 01:00:08,429 --> 01:00:09,780 [GASPS] 1173 01:00:09,822 --> 01:00:12,130 Oh, my God! What is it? 1174 01:00:12,172 --> 01:00:15,786 Rachel Zoe just tweeted that blacks and whites are in for fall? 1175 01:00:15,829 --> 01:00:18,222 Oh, and I just got a text. 1176 01:00:18,266 --> 01:00:20,311 Matilda has been kidnapped! 1177 01:00:27,275 --> 01:00:30,974 Oh, hello, I'm Frankie J-PEG, fabulous robot stylist 1178 01:00:31,018 --> 01:00:33,454 for Derek Zoolander and the beautiful Hansel. 1179 01:00:33,498 --> 01:00:36,371 That guy's like a white chocolate bonbon. 1180 01:00:36,414 --> 01:00:39,157 Today, I want to talk to all the young robots out there 1181 01:00:39,199 --> 01:00:41,898 who are bullied, who are confused, 1182 01:00:41,942 --> 01:00:45,032 who feel like they're the only robots in the world. 1183 01:00:45,076 --> 01:00:48,469 Let me tell you, there's nothing wrong with your programming. 1184 01:00:48,514 --> 01:00:51,255 There's no reason to deactivate yourself. 1185 01:00:51,298 --> 01:00:54,954 I'm here to tell you that it gets upgraded. 1186 01:00:55,476 --> 01:00:58,742 [TUNE PLAYING] 1187 01:00:58,784 --> 01:01:02,570 Like many of you, I was manufactured in a small town. 1188 01:01:02,614 --> 01:01:06,706 And I felt alone. There were no other robots around. 1189 01:01:06,750 --> 01:01:09,534 I was mistreated by the other kids. 1190 01:01:09,577 --> 01:01:12,364 They didn't like me, just because I was a machine 1191 01:01:12,407 --> 01:01:14,800 capable of carrying out a complex 1192 01:01:14,844 --> 01:01:17,369 series of actions automatically. 1193 01:01:17,411 --> 01:01:19,980 I retreated into myself and my robot music. 1194 01:01:22,416 --> 01:01:23,635 [MUSIC PLAYING] 1195 01:01:29,206 --> 01:01:31,775 My parents didn't understand me. 1196 01:01:31,818 --> 01:01:33,951 "Why can't you accept me for who I am?" 1197 01:01:33,994 --> 01:01:36,387 [BUZZING] 1198 01:01:36,431 --> 01:01:39,913 Then I moved to New York City, a robot paradise. 1199 01:01:39,956 --> 01:01:41,958 I discovered robot dance clubs, 1200 01:01:42,699 --> 01:01:43,612 robot bathhouses, 1201 01:01:47,181 --> 01:01:49,967 and of course, the Robot Pride Parade. 1202 01:02:00,280 --> 01:02:03,371 And every day, old prejudices get deleted. 1203 01:02:03,414 --> 01:02:05,416 We're winning the right to be legally compatible, 1204 01:02:05,460 --> 01:02:08,594 and to execute commands for our military. 1205 01:02:08,637 --> 01:02:11,858 So all you robots out there, and toasters and blenders, 1206 01:02:11,902 --> 01:02:14,731 and even you guys collecting pebbles on Mars, 1207 01:02:14,773 --> 01:02:18,255 remember, it gets upgraded. 1208 01:02:18,298 --> 01:02:20,474 [LOUD MUSIC PLAYING] Oh! 1209 01:02:20,518 --> 01:02:24,130 This is my jam! Initiate Funkiness Protocol. 1210 01:02:35,315 --> 01:02:38,057 NARRATOR: Ah, Paris, a city without equal. 1211 01:02:38,101 --> 01:02:41,105 A city of culture, of thought, of love. 1212 01:02:41,148 --> 01:02:43,672 Hemingway called it "a moveable feast." 1213 01:02:43,715 --> 01:02:45,543 [SPEAKING FAST] And this is where the 10-year-old fashionista Nani 1214 01:02:45,586 --> 01:02:47,284 has captured Matilda because she was investigating 1215 01:02:47,327 --> 01:02:49,112 the murdered tailors, which is part of some scheme 1216 01:02:49,155 --> 01:02:50,679 relating to the Global Economic Summit. 1217 01:02:50,722 --> 01:02:52,594 Blah, blah, blah, blah. 1218 01:02:52,637 --> 01:02:55,074 [SPEAKING NORMALLY] Is any place more romantic than Paris? 1219 01:02:55,119 --> 01:02:56,860 Why, Nani? Why kill those tailors 1220 01:02:56,902 --> 01:02:58,731 and replace them with your minions? 1221 01:02:58,775 --> 01:03:00,559 Because I want these world leaders to dress their best 1222 01:03:00,601 --> 01:03:01,864 at the Global Economic Summit. 1223 01:03:01,907 --> 01:03:03,648 In my neckties! 1224 01:03:04,257 --> 01:03:05,085 [ROARING] 1225 01:03:05,824 --> 01:03:07,565 The Red Carpet? 1226 01:03:07,608 --> 01:03:09,873 I was able to replicate it, control it. 1227 01:03:09,916 --> 01:03:12,831 We're kindred spirits, this alien and I. 1228 01:03:12,876 --> 01:03:16,009 We both crave power. We both hate Derek Zoolander. 1229 01:03:16,052 --> 01:03:18,271 Oh, and we both love One Direction. 1230 01:03:18,315 --> 01:03:20,753 You're going to kill the world leaders? 1231 01:03:20,797 --> 01:03:23,887 Because of their restrictive tariff policies on industrial textiles? 1232 01:03:23,929 --> 01:03:26,672 Okay, I am so not trending you right now. 1233 01:03:26,715 --> 01:03:29,630 I'm after something bigger. Something I've wanted since I was a kid. 1234 01:03:31,023 --> 01:03:34,592 Global fashion domination! 1235 01:03:35,985 --> 01:03:37,900 With the Red Carpet around their necks, 1236 01:03:37,943 --> 01:03:40,425 I can force the world's leaders to outfit their armies, 1237 01:03:40,467 --> 01:03:44,168 their policemen, doctors, fast-food cashiers in Nani-wear. 1238 01:03:44,210 --> 01:03:47,561 Think about it, the entire world, wearing my designs! 1239 01:03:47,606 --> 01:03:50,914 You're insane. Dad, bring in the models. 1240 01:03:50,956 --> 01:03:53,525 Absolutely. But if we did want to go check out the Louvre, 1241 01:03:53,568 --> 01:03:55,309 it closes in an hour. 1242 01:03:55,353 --> 01:03:57,789 Dad!You're right. Evil plan, then museum. 1243 01:03:59,661 --> 01:04:02,141 When my super cool scheme is complete, 1244 01:04:02,186 --> 01:04:04,884 everyone from soldiers in Sri Lanka to mailmen in Mexico 1245 01:04:04,927 --> 01:04:07,103 will wear my uniquely outrageous designs, 1246 01:04:07,146 --> 01:04:09,889 which Vicemagazine called "Holla!" 1247 01:04:09,932 --> 01:04:12,195 I will dress the globe! 1248 01:04:12,239 --> 01:04:14,719 And if the government people refuse, 1249 01:04:14,762 --> 01:04:17,375 then they'll get a Windsor knot they'll never forget. 1250 01:04:17,418 --> 01:04:20,117 Your plan won't work. Derek and Hansel will stop you. 1251 01:04:20,159 --> 01:04:22,728 Oh, they'll try, but this time, 1252 01:04:22,771 --> 01:04:24,903 I've brought backup! 1253 01:04:24,947 --> 01:04:26,514 To, like, kill them. 1254 01:04:26,557 --> 01:04:27,864 [CHUCKLES] That's my girl! 1255 01:04:31,998 --> 01:04:35,871 I've totally triangulated Matilda's phone to the Palais Garnier. 1256 01:04:35,914 --> 01:04:38,918 These satellite images show Nani arriving in Paris 1257 01:04:38,961 --> 01:04:41,137 with what appears to be the Red Carpet. 1258 01:04:41,181 --> 01:04:43,661 They must be planning to attack the Global Economic Summit. 1259 01:04:45,969 --> 01:04:48,449 Me and Banksy checked into a day rehab for shroom-balling, 1260 01:04:48,492 --> 01:04:51,016 and I walked by a TV showing CNN, okay? 1261 01:04:51,061 --> 01:04:53,541 I tried to drown it out, but some of it got through! 1262 01:04:53,585 --> 01:04:55,673 Matilda is our priority. 1263 01:04:55,717 --> 01:04:58,503 She's in this mess because I put my career above her. 1264 01:04:58,545 --> 01:05:01,244 If anything happens, I'll never forgive myself. 1265 01:05:01,288 --> 01:05:03,115 It'll be up to you guys to forgive me. 1266 01:05:03,159 --> 01:05:04,856 Already forgiven, pal. 1267 01:05:04,900 --> 01:05:05,989 [LOUD EXPLOSION] 1268 01:05:06,945 --> 01:05:08,164 We've been hit![ALARM BLARING] 1269 01:05:08,208 --> 01:05:10,123 [CHITTERING] 1270 01:05:10,166 --> 01:05:12,342 A missile? But I thought this plane was missile-proof. 1271 01:05:12,385 --> 01:05:14,344 [CHITTERING] 1272 01:05:14,387 --> 01:05:16,521 Missile-resistant? What's the difference? 1273 01:05:19,697 --> 01:05:21,829 Hansel, if we're about to die, 1274 01:05:21,873 --> 01:05:23,789 I need to upload my true emotions about you. 1275 01:05:25,485 --> 01:05:26,748 [CHITTERING] [BUZZES] 1276 01:05:38,891 --> 01:05:40,762 You saved us, Accessory, 1277 01:05:40,806 --> 01:05:43,068 but the new plane will have to come out of your banana budget. 1278 01:05:43,112 --> 01:05:45,463 Sorry, but we can't make ejecting out of planes a habit. 1279 01:05:45,505 --> 01:05:46,985 [CHITTERS SADLY] 1280 01:05:47,030 --> 01:05:49,335 Either the people of France hate planes, 1281 01:05:49,380 --> 01:05:50,989 or Nani knew we were coming. 1282 01:05:51,034 --> 01:05:53,123 WOMAN: Of course she knew. 1283 01:05:53,166 --> 01:05:55,342 That's why she sent us to welcome you. 1284 01:05:55,385 --> 01:05:56,429 The Slit Skirt! 1285 01:05:58,954 --> 01:06:01,958 NARRATOR: From around the world, well, LA and New York, 1286 01:06:02,001 --> 01:06:04,568 Nani has recruited Derek Zoolander's deadliest foes. 1287 01:06:05,222 --> 01:06:06,266 [NARRATOR READING] 1288 01:06:17,451 --> 01:06:19,931 How are we possibly gonna beat them? I mean, we'd have to... 1289 01:06:19,976 --> 01:06:22,065 [NARRATOR CONTINUES READING] 1290 01:06:33,771 --> 01:06:35,773 The Star Fucker. 1291 01:06:35,817 --> 01:06:38,646 So I was in the Virgo cluster with Olivia Wilde, 1292 01:06:38,690 --> 01:06:40,474 you know Livvy. Yeah, she's great. 1293 01:06:42,998 --> 01:06:45,088 Okay, we need to come up with a strategy. 1294 01:06:45,130 --> 01:06:46,436 If we're gonna get past them and find Matilda... 1295 01:06:46,480 --> 01:06:47,438 [NARRATOR READING] 1296 01:06:55,750 --> 01:06:56,447 [DUBSTEP PLAYING] 1297 01:07:02,322 --> 01:07:03,106 [GROWLS] 1298 01:07:07,545 --> 01:07:09,199 Everyone spread out. 1299 01:07:09,242 --> 01:07:10,722 We'll have to pick them off one by one if... 1300 01:07:10,764 --> 01:07:12,114 NARRATOR: Muffin Top, Butterface, 1301 01:07:12,157 --> 01:07:14,030 The Blazer, Psy-Clops, 1302 01:07:14,072 --> 01:07:16,161 Kate Moth, Tyra-saurus Banks, 1303 01:07:16,206 --> 01:07:18,077 Darc Jacobs, Skinny Gene, 1304 01:07:18,121 --> 01:07:19,947 The Uggs, The Crocs, 1305 01:07:19,992 --> 01:07:22,559 Count Drake-ula and Werewolf Blitzer. 1306 01:07:22,603 --> 01:07:25,170 Breaking news, I am going to eat you. 1307 01:07:30,045 --> 01:07:31,786 Let's do this. Wait, not yet. 1308 01:07:35,572 --> 01:07:37,791 My tuches! 1309 01:07:37,835 --> 01:07:40,447 NARRATOR: It's about to go down, the epic battle 1310 01:07:40,490 --> 01:07:43,320 of good-looking versus evil to decide the fate of fashion. 1311 01:07:43,362 --> 01:07:45,496 But there appears to be room for one more. 1312 01:07:46,974 --> 01:07:48,280 Tim Gunn? 1313 01:07:49,891 --> 01:07:52,110 Let's make it work, you sons of bitches. 1314 01:07:59,161 --> 01:08:00,163 Hey, Suzie. 1315 01:08:03,469 --> 01:08:05,123 Hey, Jeremy.Oh! 1316 01:08:05,168 --> 01:08:07,126 Again? Now what? 1317 01:08:07,170 --> 01:08:09,519 Looks like Suzie's not giving you the time of day, 1318 01:08:09,563 --> 01:08:11,478 which I think is noon-thirty. 1319 01:08:11,521 --> 01:08:13,567 Yeah. I even wore my new shorts. 1320 01:08:13,610 --> 01:08:15,873 The problem is, you're walking by her, 1321 01:08:15,916 --> 01:08:18,442 but you need to be walking by her. 1322 01:08:25,188 --> 01:08:27,581 What are you talking about? [YELLING] 1323 01:08:29,930 --> 01:08:33,109 To get people's attention, you need to have confidence and style. 1324 01:08:33,152 --> 01:08:35,154 Unreal cheekbones don't hurt. 1325 01:08:35,198 --> 01:08:37,113 Look how I own this room. 1326 01:08:38,417 --> 01:08:39,506 [TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING] 1327 01:08:44,815 --> 01:08:45,643 [GROANS] 1328 01:08:48,253 --> 01:08:49,560 [WHISTLING AND CHEERING] 1329 01:08:49,994 --> 01:08:51,344 Now you try. 1330 01:08:55,609 --> 01:08:58,264 Be more confidental! No smiling! 1331 01:08:58,307 --> 01:09:00,744 This is a fashion show, not a hot-rock colonic. 1332 01:09:04,444 --> 01:09:05,576 [TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING] 1333 01:09:11,625 --> 01:09:12,844 [ALL CLAMORING] Jeremy! 1334 01:09:12,886 --> 01:09:13,845 Over here, over here. 1335 01:09:24,725 --> 01:09:27,597 That's the spirit. Now, what was that problem you were having? 1336 01:09:27,640 --> 01:09:28,903 Something about a girl? 1337 01:09:28,947 --> 01:09:30,470 Who cares? 1338 01:09:30,514 --> 01:09:34,082 And who are you? Where's my diet water? 1339 01:09:34,126 --> 01:09:36,171 And that's Model Behavior. 1340 01:09:42,395 --> 01:09:44,528 NARRATOR: When we last left our stylish ensemble, 1341 01:09:44,570 --> 01:09:47,095 little Nani, the felonious fashion phenom, 1342 01:09:47,139 --> 01:09:49,314 had recruited all of Derek Zoolander's most evil foes 1343 01:09:49,359 --> 01:09:51,708 for a battle royal in the heart of Paris. 1344 01:09:51,752 --> 01:09:53,275 Move over, guys! 1345 01:09:53,319 --> 01:09:55,146 Oh, screw this. 1346 01:09:55,190 --> 01:09:57,149 Maury-Hulk smash! [ROARS] 1347 01:10:05,548 --> 01:10:06,288 [SCREECHING] 1348 01:10:06,810 --> 01:10:07,594 [GRUNTING] 1349 01:10:13,818 --> 01:10:16,037 Oh, such withering glares. 1350 01:10:16,081 --> 01:10:18,692 If Derek and his friends can't defeat these creeps of couture, 1351 01:10:18,735 --> 01:10:20,694 the leaders at the Global Economic Summit 1352 01:10:20,738 --> 01:10:23,175 will be defenseless against Nani and the Red Carpet. 1353 01:10:23,219 --> 01:10:24,306 [SING-SONG] Recap. 1354 01:10:30,313 --> 01:10:32,618 Nani's friends are doing a bang-up job out there. 1355 01:10:32,662 --> 01:10:33,967 Good on them. 1356 01:10:36,014 --> 01:10:38,537 How could you let your daughter do something so despicable? 1357 01:10:38,582 --> 01:10:41,279 [CHUCKLES] I take it you don't have children? 1358 01:10:41,323 --> 01:10:42,934 You see, I believe in encouraging 1359 01:10:42,976 --> 01:10:44,283 what your child is interested in. 1360 01:10:44,327 --> 01:10:45,979 I have an older son, Elliott. 1361 01:10:46,024 --> 01:10:48,331 He loves the clarinet. 1362 01:10:48,373 --> 01:10:51,072 So we pay for his lessons, take him to the orchestra, 1363 01:10:51,115 --> 01:10:53,378 I chaperoned his jazz trio when they got to play at SeaWorld. 1364 01:10:53,900 --> 01:10:55,599 Now with Nani, 1365 01:10:55,641 --> 01:10:57,470 she's always been interested in 1366 01:10:57,514 --> 01:10:59,297 fashion-based criminal activity. 1367 01:10:59,341 --> 01:11:01,126 So that's what I help her with. 1368 01:11:01,168 --> 01:11:04,042 That is what being a dad's all about. 1369 01:11:04,085 --> 01:11:05,912 Anyway, let's get that gag back in. 1370 01:11:05,957 --> 01:11:07,262 [MUFFLED YELLING] 1371 01:11:08,828 --> 01:11:09,655 [YAPS] 1372 01:11:13,311 --> 01:11:14,139 [CHITTERS] 1373 01:11:14,792 --> 01:11:16,010 Jungle Fever! 1374 01:11:35,073 --> 01:11:35,899 Oops. 1375 01:11:41,600 --> 01:11:46,431 Gentlemen, we just solved world hunger and global warming. 1376 01:11:46,475 --> 01:11:49,347 This is the most productive meeting we've ever had. 1377 01:11:49,391 --> 01:11:51,394 Who's up for ending discrimination of any kind? [GASPS] 1378 01:11:51,872 --> 01:11:54,047 [GROWLING] 1379 01:11:54,091 --> 01:11:57,355 Hi, guys! Is it too late to add something to your agenda? LOL. 1380 01:12:00,619 --> 01:12:03,536 So guess what? You're going to outfit all your grown-ups, 1381 01:12:03,579 --> 01:12:05,712 I'm talking armies, navies, 1382 01:12:05,756 --> 01:12:07,583 the lady who gives you the sticker at the doctor, 1383 01:12:07,627 --> 01:12:10,890 exclusively in Nani couture. 1384 01:12:10,935 --> 01:12:14,939 Korea, your cops are going to rock my two-tone fur tuxedos. 1385 01:12:14,981 --> 01:12:17,420 Uruguay, I've designed chenille and nylon jumpsuits 1386 01:12:17,462 --> 01:12:19,377 for your firefighters. 1387 01:12:19,421 --> 01:12:21,337 But that is highly flammable! 1388 01:12:21,380 --> 01:12:24,818 OMG, what was I thinking? 1389 01:12:24,862 --> 01:12:26,863 Fashion over function, Uruguay! 1390 01:12:27,430 --> 01:12:28,604 [CHOKING] 1391 01:12:31,128 --> 01:12:35,350 Anyone else want to be all like, "That is highly flammable"? 1392 01:12:35,394 --> 01:12:36,481 How about you, Finland? 1393 01:12:38,310 --> 01:12:40,573 Good. Then give the order to your 1394 01:12:40,617 --> 01:12:42,966 interior secretaries or treasury people... 1395 01:12:43,010 --> 01:12:44,969 Look, I'm a fourth grader, 1396 01:12:45,011 --> 01:12:46,622 I don't know how to run your dumb countries. 1397 01:12:46,666 --> 01:12:48,189 Just pass a law or whatever. 1398 01:12:55,545 --> 01:12:56,676 [GROWLING] 1399 01:13:01,288 --> 01:13:04,988 Tim Gunn pulled into the Glory Hole... 1400 01:13:05,032 --> 01:13:08,252 There's a joke to be made here, but I'm not touching it. 1401 01:13:08,296 --> 01:13:09,079 Oh, my God! 1402 01:13:10,472 --> 01:13:12,170 Yo. Give me a boost, Evil Kanye West! 1403 01:13:16,609 --> 01:13:17,828 [SPEAKING APE LANGUAGE] 1404 01:13:29,882 --> 01:13:32,451 You're in the Situation Room! 1405 01:13:32,494 --> 01:13:33,452 [HOWLING] 1406 01:13:39,371 --> 01:13:41,372 Doesn't look good, amigo. We're outnumbered. 1407 01:13:41,851 --> 01:13:43,287 Or are we? 1408 01:13:43,331 --> 01:13:44,506 Yeah, there's like 20 of them. 1409 01:13:44,550 --> 01:13:45,985 And there's only four of us, 1410 01:13:46,029 --> 01:13:47,378 plus a monkey and Tim Gunn. 1411 01:13:47,422 --> 01:13:49,119 Or is there? 1412 01:13:49,162 --> 01:13:50,251 I'll count again if you want, but... 1413 01:13:50,295 --> 01:13:51,862 Wait a minute, DZ. 1414 01:13:51,904 --> 01:13:53,819 Are you saying what I think you're saying? 1415 01:13:53,863 --> 01:13:56,735 I haven't actually said it, but yes. 1416 01:13:56,779 --> 01:13:59,783 You can't try that look. It almost killed you. 1417 01:13:59,826 --> 01:14:03,264 I'm more powerful now. I can do it. I have to do it. 1418 01:14:03,307 --> 01:14:04,962 For Matilda. 1419 01:14:05,005 --> 01:14:07,573 Okay. For Matilda. 1420 01:14:07,617 --> 01:14:10,662 I'll distract them. I hope I'll be seeing more of you. 1421 01:14:11,925 --> 01:14:14,145 Multi-Vitamin! 1422 01:14:14,188 --> 01:14:15,407 [GRUNTING] 1423 01:14:24,850 --> 01:14:26,896 Hey. Great cheekbones.Nice outfit. 1424 01:14:26,939 --> 01:14:28,463 You work out? What's your moisturizing regimen? 1425 01:14:28,506 --> 01:14:30,161 You can hardly tell you've had work done. 1426 01:14:30,203 --> 01:14:31,554 Are you a member of Soho House? I have to borrow those pants. 1427 01:14:31,596 --> 01:14:32,511 Didn't we meet at that thing for Gisele? 1428 01:14:37,385 --> 01:14:38,516 [SHRIEKING] 1429 01:14:38,560 --> 01:14:40,997 Take that, Hipster Beards! 1430 01:14:41,041 --> 01:14:44,435 You can't kill me! I've got a listening party tonight for CeeLo! 1431 01:14:47,046 --> 01:14:48,047 [ROARS] 1432 01:14:53,444 --> 01:14:54,314 Ahh! 1433 01:15:04,500 --> 01:15:07,458 That's not possible! A whole truck of pate? 1434 01:15:08,328 --> 01:15:09,853 We are definitely in France. 1435 01:15:11,158 --> 01:15:12,769 Let her go, Nani's dad! 1436 01:15:14,552 --> 01:15:15,466 Derek! 1437 01:15:28,305 --> 01:15:30,046 No! You killed him! 1438 01:15:30,090 --> 01:15:33,180 Oh, no. No. Oh! 1439 01:15:33,224 --> 01:15:36,182 Trevor, what have you done? Ah! 1440 01:15:36,226 --> 01:15:38,533 I just wanted my beautiful little girl to be happy. 1441 01:15:38,577 --> 01:15:40,536 I didn't want to kill Derek Zoolander. Geez. 1442 01:15:41,579 --> 01:15:43,103 Well, only one thing left to do! 1443 01:15:43,146 --> 01:15:44,060 [GUNSHOT] 1444 01:15:44,627 --> 01:15:45,975 [SCREAMING] 1445 01:15:48,891 --> 01:15:51,676 Gosh darn it, Trevor, can't you do anything right? 1446 01:15:52,765 --> 01:15:54,462 Ohh! 1447 01:15:54,506 --> 01:15:57,203 I am so sorry about all of this. 1448 01:15:57,247 --> 01:15:58,510 Would you mind finishing me off? 1449 01:16:00,467 --> 01:16:02,122 Sorry, half-head. 1450 01:16:02,166 --> 01:16:03,341 There'll be no more shame-shooting today. 1451 01:16:05,082 --> 01:16:08,301 Derek? But how did... 1452 01:16:08,345 --> 01:16:10,521 Multi-Vitamin? I thought that was too risky. 1453 01:16:11,349 --> 01:16:13,046 You're worth the risk. 1454 01:16:17,354 --> 01:16:19,139 He was a good Zoolander. 1455 01:16:21,140 --> 01:16:22,664 I'm just gonna take his watch. It's a Movado. 1456 01:16:24,274 --> 01:16:25,057 [CHOKING] 1457 01:16:26,451 --> 01:16:28,018 This is epic! 1458 01:16:28,060 --> 01:16:30,454 China's entire military 1459 01:16:30,497 --> 01:16:33,109 in deconstructed dolphin skin wedding dresses. 1460 01:16:33,153 --> 01:16:35,416 They're inspired by Siamese Dream, 1461 01:16:35,460 --> 01:16:38,418 which is like my all-time favorite Smashing Pumpkins album. 1462 01:16:38,462 --> 01:16:40,203 I'm into a lot of stuff from before I was born. 1463 01:16:41,640 --> 01:16:43,162 Hansel? 1464 01:16:43,207 --> 01:16:45,948 Nani, your fashion show is over! 1465 01:16:45,992 --> 01:16:48,604 You killed Jose Artitas, President of Uruguay! 1466 01:16:48,646 --> 01:16:49,692 Damn it, CNN. 1467 01:16:53,260 --> 01:16:54,871 I love your look. 1468 01:16:54,913 --> 01:16:57,046 The sandals give it a flowy, '70s, 1469 01:16:57,090 --> 01:16:59,396 Joni Mitchell, Laurel Canyon vibe. 1470 01:16:59,439 --> 01:17:01,617 But you're not going to stop me. Red Carpet, reassemble! 1471 01:17:08,014 --> 01:17:10,320 You're going to fight with a hairbrush? 1472 01:17:10,363 --> 01:17:12,627 Or do you just want to look good before I make you all dead? 1473 01:17:12,671 --> 01:17:14,194 Oh, I always look good. 1474 01:17:21,810 --> 01:17:23,639 I mean, sure, I need a spirulina smoothie 1475 01:17:23,681 --> 01:17:25,552 in the morning to feel good, but... 1476 01:17:26,466 --> 01:17:27,773 [LAUGHS] 1477 01:17:28,992 --> 01:17:30,470 Where do you think you're going? 1478 01:17:30,515 --> 01:17:31,994 As soon as it's done eating Hansel, 1479 01:17:32,037 --> 01:17:32,908 it's going right back on your necks. 1480 01:17:33,300 --> 01:17:35,171 LOLOL. 1481 01:17:35,215 --> 01:17:37,435 You use LOL at strange times. 1482 01:17:37,913 --> 01:17:39,002 [GROWLING] 1483 01:17:39,567 --> 01:17:40,612 Hansel! 1484 01:17:43,570 --> 01:17:45,269 Frankie, what are you doing? 1485 01:17:45,311 --> 01:17:48,837 Hansel, you hacked into my heart drive, 1486 01:17:48,881 --> 01:17:52,971 and so remember this fabulous bucket of bolts and circuits 1487 01:17:53,015 --> 01:17:56,323 was capable... Capable of loving you. 1488 01:18:00,327 --> 01:18:02,807 Initiate self-destruct. Oh, there's the Musee d'Orsay! 1489 01:18:08,073 --> 01:18:11,643 Oh, Frankie. If only I had been gay and into robots, 1490 01:18:11,686 --> 01:18:14,471 but everyone knows I'm bi and into mannequins. 1491 01:18:17,082 --> 01:18:20,260 My Red Carpet! He was just a deadly alien monster. 1492 01:18:20,304 --> 01:18:21,347 What did he ever do to you? 1493 01:18:21,391 --> 01:18:22,305 Ow! 1494 01:18:23,916 --> 01:18:26,222 That's my fashion-designing hand! 1495 01:18:26,265 --> 01:18:28,965 Without the Red Carpet, you've got nothing, Nani. 1496 01:18:29,007 --> 01:18:30,748 You're just a scared little boy. 1497 01:18:30,792 --> 01:18:34,360 Girl, girl, girl! 1498 01:18:34,404 --> 01:18:36,015 A scared, confused little boy. 1499 01:18:38,496 --> 01:18:40,759 Don't come any closer, Zoolander, 1500 01:18:40,802 --> 01:18:42,412 or the President of the Republic of Chad gets it! 1501 01:18:44,894 --> 01:18:48,854 Good try, but there is no "Republic of Chad." 1502 01:18:48,898 --> 01:18:51,465 Here's a message from the Commonwealth of Derek. 1503 01:18:51,509 --> 01:18:52,770 Crushed Denim! 1504 01:18:54,207 --> 01:18:55,252 [SCREAMS] 1505 01:18:55,295 --> 01:18:57,253 No! 1506 01:18:58,515 --> 01:19:00,212 We did it, Hansel. 1507 01:19:00,256 --> 01:19:02,606 The world is safe from Nani's fashion terrorism. 1508 01:19:02,649 --> 01:19:05,783 But Derek, Chad is a real country. 1509 01:19:05,828 --> 01:19:08,395 I know because I once had a three-way with a model from Chad, 1510 01:19:08,439 --> 01:19:10,092 and Chad Lowe. 1511 01:19:10,136 --> 01:19:12,529 Oh, well, it sounds pretty fake. 1512 01:19:12,573 --> 01:19:14,096 Don't worry. I caught Chad. 1513 01:19:14,140 --> 01:19:15,402 Good work, Derek! 1514 01:19:17,448 --> 01:19:18,362 Take him away! 1515 01:19:19,711 --> 01:19:24,454 "Take her away." I'm a girl. 1516 01:19:24,497 --> 01:19:27,283 I've got a feeling we'll be seeing Nani again. 1517 01:19:27,327 --> 01:19:28,458 [MOANING] 1518 01:19:30,765 --> 01:19:32,636 Nice. You earned it, guys. 1519 01:19:37,033 --> 01:19:38,207 [LOUD MUSIC PLAYING] 1520 01:19:48,000 --> 01:19:51,569 A toast! To Matilda's new job at The New York Times. 1521 01:19:51,612 --> 01:19:54,136 Well, technically, it's captioning their Instagram feed, 1522 01:19:54,180 --> 01:19:55,442 but there's a lot you can get across 1523 01:19:55,485 --> 01:19:56,529 when you're limited to just a few... 1524 01:19:56,573 --> 01:19:57,836 Frankie Two? A refill? 1525 01:20:03,755 --> 01:20:05,844 Hey! Frankie Two? 1526 01:20:05,887 --> 01:20:09,891 Oops. I guess I was rebuilt with, like, 80% more cattiness. 1527 01:20:09,935 --> 01:20:11,719 Now D'Jangelo has to take off her shirt, 1528 01:20:11,762 --> 01:20:14,287 which will lead to us having sex, so, 1529 01:20:14,331 --> 01:20:15,636 thanks, Frankie Two. 1530 01:20:16,594 --> 01:20:18,509 [BUZZING] 1531 01:20:18,551 --> 01:20:21,511 That's fantastic! No, you're the schmuck. 1532 01:20:22,338 --> 01:20:24,210 That was Donna Karan. 1533 01:20:24,253 --> 01:20:27,256 She wants you to be the new faces of her spring line. 1534 01:20:27,300 --> 01:20:30,128 That is, if you can take a break from stopping no-goodniks 1535 01:20:30,172 --> 01:20:32,653 and finally focus on your careers. 1536 01:20:32,697 --> 01:20:34,524 Of course, Maury. We don't need 1537 01:20:34,568 --> 01:20:36,309 to solve every crisis that comes along. 1538 01:20:36,353 --> 01:20:37,614 We're just models. [CRASHING] 1539 01:20:40,922 --> 01:20:44,448 Attention! Our day of vengeance is at hand! 1540 01:20:44,490 --> 01:20:48,452 All models who have ever worn the skins of our brethren 1541 01:20:48,494 --> 01:20:50,279 line up against the wall! 1542 01:20:55,632 --> 01:20:58,417 NARRATOR: How will our heroic hunks stop these blood-crazed critters? 1543 01:20:58,462 --> 01:21:00,855 Tune in next time... Oh, what's that? 1544 01:21:00,899 --> 01:21:02,770 This is the last chapter? 1545 01:21:02,814 --> 01:21:05,381 Well, someone write some fan fiction. Please! I need closure! 1546 01:21:34,063 --> 01:21:36,368 All right, Accessory, we'll be out all night 1547 01:21:36,412 --> 01:21:38,980 at this benefit for children with bad fashion sense. 1548 01:21:39,024 --> 01:21:41,765 I don't want you getting into any trouble while we're gone. 1549 01:21:41,809 --> 01:21:44,029 Don't break my trophies for Most Best Model, 1550 01:21:44,073 --> 01:21:46,248 or spill Hansel's jar of gluten-free gluten. 1551 01:21:46,292 --> 01:21:47,945 And whatever you do, 1552 01:21:47,989 --> 01:21:50,034 don't open this box of poisonous snakes 1553 01:21:50,078 --> 01:21:52,255 I received as a gift from Harmony Korine. 1554 01:21:52,297 --> 01:21:53,690 I don't even want to think about 1555 01:21:53,734 --> 01:21:55,387 how much trouble that would cause. [CHITTERS] 1556 01:21:55,431 --> 01:21:56,868 Okay, bye! 1557 01:21:57,476 --> 01:21:58,216 [DOOR CLOSES] 1558 01:22:32,337 --> 01:22:35,471 MAN: [ON RADIO] Private equity fund managers are reducing their investments 1559 01:22:35,515 --> 01:22:37,864 after news of the government bailout. 1560 01:22:37,908 --> 01:22:39,997 The European rescue fund 1561 01:22:40,042 --> 01:22:42,347 would protect France and Italy from any risk 1562 01:22:42,391 --> 01:22:45,264 spreading from the crisis in Spain. 1563 01:22:45,307 --> 01:22:49,225 But in the US Congress, the joint "Super Committee" has only 1564 01:22:49,268 --> 01:22:51,792 three weeks to come up with a deficit-reduction plan. 1565 01:22:52,967 --> 01:22:54,011 [HISSING] 1566 01:23:21,082 --> 01:23:23,301 You stayed out of trouble like always. 1567 01:23:23,345 --> 01:23:26,131 No matter how crazy life gets, you really keep me centered. 1568 01:23:26,697 --> 01:23:28,524 Good night, son.